Posted by SandyWeb on April 13, 2006, at 11:49:18
In reply to Re: Bye Bye, Topamax » SandyWeb, posted by Storm Rider on April 13, 2006, at 8:31:16
Thanks Kat,
Took my last 100mg pill this morning.
I'm not sure what help you will be able to locate because the only reason I'm on the PharmaCare prescription program (which is usually just reserved for our elderly population) is because it is also used by Family Services (AKA: Welfare). When the Neurontin was approved, and the pharmacist saw this in his little magic box when I went to pay for the prescription, he was quite surprised to see that not only was it approved for the off-label use of social anxiety (maybe somebody goofed-up) BUT it also was approved for long-term use....meaning I didn't have to keep re-applying for approval. But after 3 years or so, it pooped out. And, in all honesty, it was rather mild...especially in regards to Topamax.
Also, will only take 15mg of Remeron tonight (instead of my usual 45mg) because I CAN NOT have the weight come back on once the Topamax helped me to get me back down to a reasonable weight. Not quite sure how I'll do without an antidepressant, but I guess time will tell. Hey, maybe I'm all cured except for this dang anxiety and insomnia. Argh! Who knows, right? Maybe my brain chemistry has shifted around enough that I really don't need all those meds anymore.....just something to keep me calm (albiet at rather a high dose.....then again, most ALL my meds were in the eye-popping high dose ranges....even over-the counter. My daughter's that way too, but my son only needs, for example, half an ibuprofen, and he's fine!). And, of course, I need to sleep!!!! Either by pills or a hammer to the head! Lol.
But seriously, once I get over the wonders of withdrawal, I may find that my chemistry has changed enough that I'm only dealing with anxiety and insomnia now. WooHoo. Who would think a person would say "WooHoo!" to anxiety and insomnia?? Lol. Just get me the right dosage so that I don't run out (cause that sends me spiralling down the suicidal tunnel....I CAN NOT RUN OUT!), and maybe I can start take a walk around the block and then maybe take a walk to the local store and then maybe a walk to church (eeks!!!! social interaction!!!), and then maybe I can get a VERY part-time volunteer position with minimal client contact, and then maybe more hours with more contact, and then maybe.....a part-time job...and who knows. But baby steps. And the first step is: Wait for this dang withdrawal to start, see how horrible the anxiety is going to be, beg on my bloody knees if my doc won't give me more Klonopin, AND MAKE IT THROUGH IT....because I WILL MAKE IT THROUGH IT. It's all just a matter of time. I just hope it doesn't come down to a matter of my actually having a NEED for these meds or I'm going to go through the withdrawals and come out the other end loopy. But I can't forsee the future. Today is Thursday. My blood levels are still normal...until tonight when I drastically reduce the Remeron and altogether stop the Topamax. Then we'll listen to my story tomorrow. Lol!
Something happened on this board with me some time ago that scared a lot of people. Let me just say that I promised, once that whole "adventure" was over, that I would NEVER take anyone along on something like that again. And I make that promise again. Because no matter how caring and how concerned and how hard other people are trying to help......it doesn't go anywhere because the one with the problem is not thinking normally as in "click, click, click".....but "click, click, clunk". And there is NOTHING anyone can say or do to help that person. All they do is prolong the inevitable, and everybody gets hurt in the end. SO....that being said.....and myself being in sound mind and body at the moment.....I do promise that there will not be a repeat on this board. I do not believe in taking people down that path, even if these people willingly WANT to travel the path with you. It's not right, it's not fair. And I won't let it happen.
I mean, I don't know what to expect here. I'm going to be cold-turkeying off TWO meds....and I'm clueless as to what to expect from my mind and body. I may find that I have a great deal of strength that was hidden behind the meds. Who knew?? I may develop a great deal of strength because it means living with fewer and fewer meds!!!! YES!!!!!!! That can only be good!!!!!!
I'm optimistic. I'm not stupid enough to think I'm just going to breeze through this, but I do think this is something I can do. And I'll stay in touch. And if I disappear for a few days, maybe it's just because I'm physically ill. I'll be back. Thanks for wanting to stick by me.
And the adventure is about to begin........
Hugs,
Sandy
poster:SandyWeb
thread:5053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060412/msgs/632620.html