Posted by Fivefires on March 19, 2009, at 18:23:09
In reply to A note to all babbler that knew me since 2004, posted by rjlockhart04-08 on March 13, 2009, at 11:16:28
Hey RJ
When you say threshold, reminds me of a 'shutdown' I had in 2005. The 'shutting down' may have affected me neurologically. I wish to have a CT scan. Only I and another here seem to have had the same symptoms occur during and after. I've done very little research, and of course no pdoc wants to go there, but I am prone to believe I was deprived of oxygen for just a little bit too long. There is a condition called hypocapnea(sp?). I was hyperventilating w/o relief and developed a pressure on just the very top of my head. It could have been minutes or hours; bad staff, doctor had forgotten to sign off on Valium so they were withholding it. It happened twice while there in 2005, following the loss of a person I loved very much in 2004. It happened once in 2008 when someone tried to withhold xanax @ a pretty large dose and replace it w/ klonopin 1mg. Did I have some sort of damage from deprivation of oxygen or blood supply, neurologically. I'm not sure. Just know I've not been AS STRONG, as I was before this happened. Valium chased away all symptoms. My heart wants you to know, I'm just throwing this in here as a possibility, trying not to be suggestive. I'm just sharing what happened to me. Maybe I misunderstand you.
Can't believe we've all known each other so long. Glad not chg name. So many have; don't know who talking to.
Tks for sharing your view on passage.
I find it very hard to put bad past away. I'm steering myself away from the CBT and DBT, and seeing a psychologist next week for psychodynamic therapy. (It was hard to find a psychologist. This person is a few yrs older than I, so should be good connection there.)
So much bad was alone, abuse was alone. The shutdowns were very alone, but pdocs won't go there. What are they not telling me, I wonder. Or, do they just not have time to dig that deep.
I've not been able to speak the bad out for it to be heard. My heart cannot feel an unspoken 'I'm sorry'. I don't know the prior is necessary o_o. Something to discuss w/ psychologist.
Everyone is here for you, and for me, despite my drifting away from a thread I've started, or not keeping in touch. I've told them, kind of like you have here, I've not felt as able to post as I once did, but even I'd not told them, when someone doesn't post for a while, we assume they are needing a rest, will be back. It's the illness.
Since these 'shutdown incidents' happened to me, I've posted so little, cannot joke, feel guilt 'cuz want give help, not just take.
Hope none think I'd abandon, or think me too scared to try help.
I'm away from pc and resting 'cuz tire real easily.
On Effexor-XR, nortriptyline, and developing tolerance to Provigil. Progivil 200 gets me to about 2-3p only; tolerant. Pdoc agreed try augment Eff-XR w/ something. We chose nortriptyline; wrong. Sight probs', worsened depression, & it has a muscle rigidity to it that aggravates chronic c-spine pain. I'm still w/ you; just wanted u know meds for insight.
It was cool of you to post.
I still see light ... never have given up, unless it was med induced, but in hardest trial ever.
We'll get better with patience. (Did you not like me saying We'll?)
Will you, if can, when can, reply? Just throw me paper airplane or something! You're prob' thinking 'respond to what o_o?' ... 'cuz that's what I'm thinking, and, okay now that did make me laugh. Did u laugh?
First laugh for a while, & like an orgasm, tryin' to hang onto the feeling like a drum roll. (I love it when good vibes come from inside us to outside us. Yep, it's like a Lynryd Skynrd(sp?) drum roll. Let it flow, and as long as you don't try to control it, or ask for more, it stays.
hope you laugh (or feel or think something good)
all ways & whacked as ever, 5f
poster:Fivefires
thread:885165
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090313/msgs/886128.html