Posted by Dima on April 4, 2009, at 13:42:26
Sorry if this post is kind of long, I feel like all details should be accounted for. So I am an 18 year old male. Pretty much as long as I can remember, I haven't been genuinely happy. Maybe for brief periods due to great circumstances, but in general, my outlook on life has been bleak.
Also, I have some irrational fears, which I am just recently beginning to think may be anxiety. First, I get nervous and anxious when I have to talk to someone. Anyone. I fear not knowing what to say to keep the conversation going, and most of the conversation is spent with my mind racing trying to think of topics. I am fine in front of large crowds. If a speech is prepared beforehand, I could probably say it in front of a thousand people, with little problem. Second, and a lot more weird and embarrasing, I have a fear of being gay. I have not been attracted to males, and have certainly been attracted to females, yet every time the thought crosses my mind, my stomach does a somersault. I have nothing against gays, and do not feel there is anything wrong with living that way, but I have a huge fear of one day waking up and realizing that I am in fact gay. For a perfect future, I see myself living happily with a great girlfriend.
At the beginning of 2009, I decided to finally see a doctor. I went to my family doctor, who quickly prescribed Paxil 20mg and sent me on my way. I took it for three days, but the insane drowsiness and sexual side effects were too much too bear.
I scheduled an appointment with a real psychiatrist. First I went to two therapy sessions, which seemed extremely pointless and it seemed that we were both just saying things to fill the hour time slot.
After that, I was scheduled to see another doctor there, who prescribed Wellbutrin SR 150mg. Well, Budeprion, which I've read can be quite different. I took it for a week, but I had to stop because of a never ending feeling of a lump in my throat and my mouth constantly filling with saliva. I saw the doctor again, and she decided to try the XL version. She gave me a prescription for the 150mg pills, and said after about two weeks, go ahead and take two per day.
I've been on the Budeprion XL for about three weeks, and just started taking two pills per day three days ago. The three weeks have been like a rollercoaster of moods, and I don't know if it's the drug or I'm just attributing how I normally feel to it. Some days I feel good. Not great, but good. At those times all I think is that this drug is perfect, and to keep at it. Other days, like today, I feel horrible. Nothing worse than it was before the drug, but still not what I was looking forward to. If I realize the drug is not working, I plan on trying brand-name before any other drug, because of the many reports of differences I've read.
Recently, I found information about Buspirone, which seems like a possibility if Wellbutrin doesn't work. I assume that maybe the depression is only there because of the irrational fears.
poster:Dima
thread:888657
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090330/msgs/888657.html