Posted by Dinah on June 28, 2010, at 10:14:31
In reply to need advice on OCD and a relationship problem, posted by kimbersaur on June 28, 2010, at 4:17:47
I am also an emetophobe, so perhaps what I say should be read with that in mind. I have many of the same fears you do, and also find my life constricted by my fear.
How old is your boyfriend? Honestly, someone who finds a drunken bachelor party important enough to do this to their fiancee doesn't sound very mature, in terms of getting married. My husband asked for a bachelor party that didn't include getting drunk, and his friends were all old enough and steady enough to actually be glad of that. Of course, getting drunk for the sake of it was something my husband may have done once or twice to try it out, but never particularly enjoyed.
That being said, part of the discussion my husband and I had before we married was about my emetophobia and whether I was ready for marriage. People in marriages throw up. If you have kids, they'll throw up a lot. My husband never goes out to get drunk, but he was very clear that we weren't going to be married until I felt I could control my emetophobia enough to promise to be with him in *sickness* and health.
I do my best, which sometimes isn't actually good enough. My fears are different from yours, in that they aren't really about germs. But there are still areas of the house I avoid because I consider them contaminated with vomit. My husband agreed to never use our bathroom when he's sick. And I'm not so good at being with him while he's sick. I try to stay supportive from a distance, but sometimes I run. I try to be supportive for my son when he's sick. When he was little, it was easier.
I really need to work on those things because there's every chance that one day he or my son is going to need me when he's vomiting, and it's my responsibility to be there when he does. I'm currently looking into treatment alternatives.
So my thought is that both of you need to do some deciding about priorities. Love isn't enough for marriage. You also need to make the decision to do what's best for each other and the relationship.
I don't understand your fiance's need to drink till he barfs, given the distress it causes you. My only charitable thought about that is that perhaps he's testing whether he can count on you to be there when he's sick.
And you need to decide if you are willing to do what you need to do in order to be there for him when he needs you. Not because he decided to get drunk of course. But when he's genuinely ill.
I'm sorry if I'm being overly opinionated on this topic. It's one that has come up in my own relationship, something that I still struggle with, and something I feel very strongly about.
Might I suggest a website?
poster:Dinah
thread:952481
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100628/msgs/952508.html