Posted by europerep on July 10, 2010, at 7:55:33
In reply to Re: What's up for 10 years from now? » europerep, posted by jade k on July 9, 2010, at 22:29:40
hi jade..
haha, what I meant to say was "sorry for NOT replying earlier to your response in this thread".. I remember spotting the mistake and adding the "not" when I reread my post yesterday, but then I probably still clicked on "submit post" rather than "preview edited post".. anyway, all I meant to say is I hadn't forgotten what you said on here..
but you do not have to apologize for what you wrote.. or for not being empathetic, because you are! :-)
actually (this is going to get complicated...), I was thinking that YOU were a little upset about my original statement which, technically, was expressing criticism towards ALL parents (it wasn't intended to so of course, but it might have read as if..).. and, following this thought, I was wondering whether you yourself have children, and hence the question whether you do.. :)it's true that therapy would be ideal for me.. there are so many issues that would need to be "solved", and some of them could even be solved rather easily, but for this problem with my mother...I know that I will not be able to really "forgive" her, until I succeed at overcoming the problems she has caused me (or that she contributed to magnify).. or in other words, until I will be living a life that satisfies me, and that gives me at least some of the basic things that life gives to almost "everyone" around me.. maybe that is egoistic, and I should be able to separate these things, but I am not..
and what I meant by "waiving" her rights is basically just that.. my life is about me now, and the very first priority, that goes above all else, is to get better and to be happy myself.. if doing this enters in conflict with doing what she wants me to do, then I do not hesitate anymore to choose what is right for me.. it may seem cold, but at this particular point, I am not willing to do a compromise between her needs and mine.. I have lost SO much time of my life, I do not have anymore of it go give away like that.. of course, I am willing to do anything that is good for her, or that she enjoys, that doesn't keep me from pursuing my goal of getting health-y/ier.. as an example, she doesn't like psychopharmacologic drugs, and she didn't like it when I got them prescribed, she let me know clearly that she didn't want me to take them, asking me ALL the time when I would finally finish the treatment, etc.. I do not even enter any discussion on that with her now, because I know her attitude, even if she tries to pack it in more friendly words, and I don't want to hear none of it.. her constant pressure back then (when I was 17-18) made me REDUCE the dosage I took in a period where I would have needed MORE, and I wonder whether I could have better dealt with my problems then, and feel better now, had I not listened to her..I do not want to "capture" this thread and the nature vs. nurture debate, so I will indeed babblemail you a little later, ok?
see you then..ER
poster:europerep
thread:953351
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100709/msgs/953971.html