Posted by mellow on September 19, 2010, at 5:33:12
In reply to Re: large cocktail, posted by Maxime on September 19, 2010, at 0:15:03
Well I'm doing a little better today. Not so foggy. I actually got a blog written.
http://www.thethoughtgame.blogspot.com/
I have the same feelings. I really wish I wouldn't have ever started taking meds, but I was in such terrible shape in 2005 I had to be medicated in a hospital or I think I would have taken my own life. I was in total psychosis. I think I was in a mixed episode, but I didn't get dx bipolar for another year. My drinking and drug use made it difficult to tell what was a symptom and what was just me being a drunk, but finally a social worker figured me out.
I was reading Huxley's thread the other day about brain damage and I can't decide if I'll do more damage by not being medicated and putting myself through more episodes and at least feel human (no matter how painful that is on some days) or if I should just take the pills for the sake of my sanity and that of my family.
I shouldn't be so cut and dry about it though. I'm taking less meds than ever and even if I take a step backwards I've still made some progress. I've got to cling to that hope that there is a really good quality of life out there for me where I can be at a reasonable weight and episode free...filled with energy and love.
Unfortunately I'm just not experiencing that this week...
I will say this though. I'm writing better off Celexa...so I don't know what that means...I'm paranoid and ruminating on negative stuff and neurotic and scared...but at least I'm creative.
mellow
Bipolar II
Lamictal 100, Topamax 50, Risperdal 0.5, B 100 complex, B 12, Vit C, Cal/Mag with D3, Fish Oil, High Potency Multi Vitamin
poster:mellow
thread:962670
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20100917/msgs/962984.html