Posted by rjlockhart04-08 on November 23, 2010, at 22:15:18
I went and saw my addiction specialist doctor and she argued with me against wellbutrin and all other drugs that are not on my medication list. I brought my medication list i've been on the last 5 years and she said the previous doctors where legal drug dealers that needed to be locked up for malpratice, she got mad, really mad because she said these are all narcotics that are addicting that are the same as street drugs. I argued but she is too powerful to argue against because she has a really fast and strong way of viewing things. I understand that these drugs I was on Xanax, Ativan, Klonopin, Dexedrine, are addicting but there are many people that take them today so I told that to her, and she said the only diffrence is that you are an addict that abuses any drug that is prescibed to you. I sat there and said "really??" and what are you doing about it?? "nothing" she won't do anything. And I can't aruge with her because she says "your angry, so just give it up, your A DRUG addict"
BOY...im telling you this this makes me SO so badly ANGRY because I know plenty of presciption drugs addicts that get away with and get what they want. I'm just pointed out as an example to those who have screwed up, this is RJ and he abuses stimulants. I know all about rationalizing and justifying behavior to others because I've done so much bad sh*t with medication. But look where it has got me, to a point where I cannot be treated by a doctor, and plus looked down on like some dog that everyone can't stand. This is only for this doctor but my mother loves this doctor because she thinks she is really smart, she is smart but she is mean, and very dominating.
Look maybe I'm blowing this out of preportion like in the past, I need to just keep this like the situation is. I need to get another doctor, but my mother enjoys this doctor because she doesnt do anything for treatment. I hate going in to see her because she ARGUES like some lawyer against my suffering saying : your just angry because your an addict and you can't have anything. BOY im telling you I would love to blow mt. st helens with this doctor but she's not worth getting mad about because its already clearly known she's not going to do anything and I should of asked her to make some recommendation for another opionion from another doctor. Thank you and I will have a nice day when I get away from her. She does NOTHING!!
The only resort to getting treated is to go into a locked down hospital. And that's why I'm asking if I carry a gun and say well I'm planning on using this because really I do think about death but I never clearly get through to actually blow my head off. It's too scary to think about death, and whats going to be after it, like hell...going to eternal danmation after death, that's why I ask God if ... I will go to hell but I never get a response from him. See right now, I'm just very annoyed and angry about this doctor, I have to accept this situation as it is. There is nothing going to be done unless a suicide attempt is made but I'm scared to commit suicide but you know...life really isnt anywhere so .. the only thing that is scaring me is the fact that I may burn in hell after death. I can't make that choice, but I havent made any choices for my life so I guess that's my problem, I need to make leap of faith, either if that's leaping in being better or making a leap off a building. Which im very doubtful I will every do. Don't let this post upset you. I'm the one who's upset about my life. Be grateful that you can at least be treated for your condition. I CANT because I have the label of drug addict on doctors and they won't do anything. I mean, you know as many times as I've said this before, im definetly not going to kill myself, one is because I never make that big of a choice, and 2nd I may burn in the lake of fire for choosing to die.
What should I do...go a hospital and just say I need to commited? should I bring a gun and show them what I plan on doing with it later? does that make any sense to them?
poster:rjlockhart04-08
thread:971140
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20101117/msgs/971140.html