Posted by B2chica on August 26, 2011, at 11:48:00
In reply to Re: so what's going on now..., posted by B2chica on August 26, 2011, at 8:08:11
and that's not a bad thing.
i think when i post like this, i just want someone to tell me that its ok, to just let go...to relax and stop fighting.
that its ok to finally let the vortex suck me in...to just give up.
because i no longer have the energy nor the will to fight.i guess its when i need someone IRL to fight for me. to pick me up and say i'll hang on to you until you no longer need it.
and i know i dont have that.
my pdoc is a doctor, nothing more.
my t was great, but even she was only a t.
i have only one real friend and he's at my work.
and my husband is jealous of him...so i cant do things with him that i'd like.
my husband only argues...he wants me to be 'fixed'. not just better. he only holds me lately when he wants sex and i just cant. hell, hes not even in the house with us. its me and my babies i take care of them, feed them bathe them...hes never a part of that.
i love my babies Endlessly, and they certainly deserved to be born and to live and be happy and to experience life. but sometimes i regret that they were born to someone like me...into my loveless marriage.i think i just need to hibernate for a few days...
it is 11:40am and i have 1mg xanax and only 300 gaba in me. just went for walk...still anxiety.
dropped mood too. i want to take more gaba but i only have 2 more pills left...i'll take them about 1:00. then more xanax i guess...
wtf. i mean i'm doing all i'm fricken supposed to be doing to help myself. i even started journaling again...isnt it all worthless effort...
i feel i was born in this life to fight...to have to fight for everything. well, when do i get my break. when do i get help. and when does it stop.
poster:B2chica
thread:994851
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110822/msgs/994899.html