Posted by zonked on August 26, 2011, at 18:41:54
Phew. Guys, I want to apologize for the poor punctuation and at times spelling (bad autocorrect on my ancient flip cell phone) in recent posts. Typing a post takes forever on that thing, if the browser doesn't crash or I don't get a call.
So, yeah. Day two of AndroGel (testosterone 1% 25mg packets) and I feel:
Minimal depression (day one)
No depression (day two)
Minimized anxiety (days one and two)
Increased motivation/energy (more day two)
Increased self confidence (instead of moping in my room and worrying about what could go wrong, I do things - mostly day two)I have not Nardil-napped today for the first time in I don't know how long. Caffeine has been involved, as I slept poorly last night.
I haven't taken my second Xanax dose today yet. THAT is incredible!
I am not 100%, but feel better than I have since some time in June or early July. I won't be 100% until I fix my life. I am in the process of doing so.
If this is placebo effect (which I acknowledge it could be) then my brain is way more powerful than I think.
Now, here's what I wanted to express: What if low testosterone has been the problem THE WHOLE TIME? I won't fret about years lost if it turns out I can dump my psych meds and just take TRT (or still require them, but also TRT), but I will be irritated with the doctors over the years who said "no" to a TRT trial, even with evidence, because my testosterone always tested "low normal" (low 400s). "Low normal" for one person might be "way too low" for another. I first tested "low normal" at age 16 or 17, before I ever became depressed.
I am thankful for my doctor who was willing to give this a shot, and acknowledged he was familiar with the research. I forgot to ask him if I was his first patient on such a trial.
I am thankful for the board, also, which when I feel like life is nothing but dragging myself from one blah event or errand to the next, and sleep; has been essential to keeping my hopes up as I sledge through this.
I will keep everyone updated. I have reasonable expectations: That is, I would not be surprised if this keeps me in remission. I would also not be surprised if several weeks from now, I find myself frustrated again.
What's kind of interesting is that now we have a diagnostic number to go by. That's one thing Lithium responders have that most of us do not - a laboratory test to make sure things are at a proper level. I'm excited to see where I'm at next month. I am pretty sure it won't be low 400s. :-)
-z
90 mg Nardil (30 t.i.d.)
1mg Xanax b.i.d
1 gelpouch AndroGel every morning after showering
10mg Ambien [this one needs work if I sleep poorly again tonight]
poster:zonked
thread:994932
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110822/msgs/994932.html