Posted by poser938 on February 21, 2012, at 18:47:10
like i said, im going to try getting ketamine, but i'm just so scared it might not work for me. it wouldn't be so bad if i didnt always have a feeling like the worst thing in the world just happened. in a way, i guess the worst thing in the world has happened. me losing myself. i am just a hateful, bitter person that cant feel much pleasure in anything. and alot of the time when i do appreciate things, it is because im telling myself i should appreciate it.
i'm freakin 24 years old and living with my parents. my younger sister, who is 17, will most likely be moved out before i am. the world is just moving on without me. i cant stand always having these bad feelings and thinking these bad thoughts. i might go out somewhere and see people that might look like they might fun to talk to, or a pretty girl id like to talk to.. but i cant. i ignore everyone ive ever met because i just cant have friends right now. i wouldnt be able to actually act like a friend to anyone. and then i get on psychobabble and i feel like i can barely understand anything people say on here because i feel in such a daze all the time.
what am i supposed to do? tell my psychiatrist how bad i want to end this myself just so my rights can be taken away and locked up, meds forced on me, and if i refuse they shock the hell out of my brain with ECT? i'm not sure why i'm writing this, i just wish someone could give me some advice that could give me some hope. i'm sorry i hardly ever get on here and offer advice to others, i feel like im the same on here as i am in the world. always taking and never giving anything.
poster:poser938
thread:1011104
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20120221/msgs/1011104.html