Posted by kavinsky99 on February 24, 2014, at 6:12:43
In reply to Re: Advice on which medication is best for my case » kavinsky99, posted by phidippus on February 23, 2014, at 17:31:49
> >I have neverending, repetitive, intrusive and crippling thoughts of bad moments or things that I've been through. Sometimes memories, other times the memories "insert themselves" in the moment/current task I'm on, projecting a critic voice.
>
> This is 'Pure O' OCD - intrusive and recurrent thoughts, not PTSD.
>I think it might be both, really. I have more vivid and emotionally intense memories sometimes, as if I'm truly reliving stuff. The not-official diagnosis being called CPTSD fits me more than Pure O and simple PTSD, though I don't exclude Pure O. I don't really obsess about anything else other than my traumas (the more severe ones), also. Don't know if that matters.
> >I feel very, very anxious all the time. I feel like most of the time I'm in an extreme hurry and feel unable to just be in the moment...it actually causes a bit of frenzied behavior that is not only unpleasant, but very irrational. I still don't know if it's pure anxiety or a type of hypomania where anxiety is very present.
>
> Bipolar mania can present with a lot of anxiety. Describing your behavior as frenzied points to hypomania.
>
Could be hypomania, or could be just stress induced brain changes. People who suffer too much stress end up with poor impulse control, lack of attention, chronic anxiety and a lot of symptoms that mimic mania. It would explain why I never have euphoric mania, just severe excitability with behaviors and symptoms more likely on the anxiety spectrum.
> What about your obsessions? Do you think maybe they could be causing a lot of the anxiety?
>They definetely do. And one thing fuels the other... However, I'm noticing that doing something concrete and real about it is making me feel better. I'm filling complaints and opening law suits, and that is being as good as medication honestly.
> >I also have panic attacks daily if I'm not on the right medication.
>
> That would be an AD or a benzo.
Yeah, those work good. However, I've been taking less benzos since they tend to cripple my memory really badly. I'm taking tianeptine, now. Best anxiolytic I've ever had, and a great mood enhancer too. Just feel plain "normal", not too much of anything, and still feeling different when situation requires (unlike SSRIs, which tend to put me on a constant mood regardless of what I'm doing).>
> >I have it all: frustration and anger...a temper...insomnia...And when anxious/depressed, my energy feels neverending.
>
> You used the above words to describe your depresssion, but they sound more like me to be the symptoms of a bipolar mixed state
>
What I tried to describe is more like extreme anxiety/stress with depression being a consequence, that tends to be brief. But I don't exclude the possibility of being a bipolar mixed state, and it makes me sad that I never had euphoric mania! haha> > ADHD: I am very restless. - VERY -. I can't keep my mind on one subject/task for too long. I usually find myself doing a thousand things at once.
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> I think these are indications of a bipolar disorder, rather than an ADHD.
>
Yeah, I don't think I have actual ADHD. But a lot of difficulties and behaviors that mimic it, but like you said, more severe.> >I notice when I find myself in a calm environment where I have to focus, my mind tends to drift to dark places. The bad memories/intrusive thoughts come down like thunder. I usually feel desperation coming when I can't find distractions, as I know my mind will be at the mercy of my horrible thoughts and feelings.
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> This is kind of how OCD works.
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>
> >I find it hard to read books, follow plots or study something. It's actually very hard, and it's concerning me a lot.
>
> You're concentration problems seeem far more severe than thoe found in ADHD.
>
I think so, too. Poor focus, really bad memory. Sometimes I tend to have a really incoherent approach to things, a lot of confusion. I don't know if it's a symptom, effect of the current meds I'm taking or consequence of so much antipsychotic use during childhood and adolescence. Even on the smallest doses, APs make this specific problem far, FAR worse.But, I'm finding that, lately, simply having a "quieter" mind if making it all easier. More focus, better memorization, I approach things without having to try to shutdown my brain due to a string of negative thoughts and emotions. That is making me able to develop skills again.
> >This gives me quite a strong genetic and behavioral reason to develop bipolar disorder.
>
> You probably already are bipolar.
>
Could be. Anxiety related stuff is definetely separated from this in cause, though they interact with each other.> > Lexapro...Intensified irritability and feeling of neverending energy.
>
> Triggered manic symptoms.
>
That seems to happen more on the beginning of SSRIs. More or less the same between all of them:t They make me feel good the first 2 doses, then move to slight apathy and the host of physical side effects, then I get this boost in
energy and get way too confident. Then a more severe form of bluntness of emotion/though and apathy kicks in.> >Zoloft...Felt very motivated, chatty, full of self confidence and somewhat agressive.
>
> Triggered mania
>
Like Lexapro, only the first month or so was like that. After that, I started to feel really low but that could be other medications I was taking). Then it made me quite "leveled". No depression, no anxiety. And I felt like my mind was "learning" again. Being able to see and enjoy new things. Sadly I had to quit Zoloft due to side effects.
> >Helped calming my mind from the bad negative thoughts. After that, I just started feeling very, very relaxed. No apathy, almost no physical symptom of depression/anxiety, rarely the bad racing thoughts came up. Felt like my mind was "moving" again, able to be in the moment and think and feel new things.
>
> Probably triggered a manic cycle that then led to a depressive cycle which was treated. Had you continued to take it, more mania would've been triggered.
>
Think it's worth the shot to try again, to see if mania is triggered? Is there anything such as a "test for mania" in those who already might suffer from it? Like a medication you can take to trigger mania ONLY if you are succetible to it naturally, and not just from medications.> > Buspar...Seemed to give me an even worst boost to physical energy and cause a LOT (and I mean A LOT) of anger.
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> Triggered mania
>
Like SSRIs, that was during the beginning. After that, it was much like a "soft" SSRI. I quit due to dizzyness it was causing, though.> > Effexor XR...When I got on the 150mg dose, I turned out to be very, very irritable and hostile, fighting with my girlfriend for no reason.
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> triggered mania
>
I spent a month on the 75mg range, with apparent no effect (just physical side effects) and some minor relaxation. Then moved to 150mg, and that made me a little more relaxed and I was sleeping better. I felt more in peace overall, but some stimulus seemed too intense. 150mg is the dosage that starts kicking in norepinephrine reuptake inhibition. A lot of people get irritable with norepinephrine being increased, and that might have been the cause. It wasn't feeling angry all the time or anything that's just exagerated and feels like a "switch was on", it was more like being upset by little things, which isn't normal for me. But I don't think in this case, it was mania being triggered, as I felt overall very tranquil.
It seems that Effexor on the higher dosage range is one of the medications that are most likely to trigger mania. I'm really curious about trying it again to be sure that I'm bipolar. However, as I said above, I'm not sure it would trigger mania ONLY in those who already are prone to have it naturally.
Mirtazapine at 45mg (more norepinephrine release) caused the same irritability as Effexor 150mg did, by the way (even concurrent with 900mg lithium).>
> >lithium, of which I took 75mg to 900mg daily. By far, the medication I most enjoy and would never be without it.
>
> Good. I hope you stay on it to treat your bipolar symptoms. As long as you stay on the Lithium, you should be able to take an antidepressant to treat your OCD symptoms. I'd recommend Luvox, Viibryd or Clomipramine, though there are many other SSRIs available.
>
Lithium was prescribed for the effects it has on repairing damage caused by stress. The longer I take it, the better I feel overall.
And I was taking lithium during the experiences with the other medications. Lithium, bromazepam and alprazolam were the only constants during my entire treatment.Be it bipolar, anxiety, brain damage from stress or all three together, I think lithium is my best bet.
However, I do need something else for anxiety and focus. Lithium doesn't hold back severe anxiety and the improvement in focus isn't noticeable, although it keeps me quieter and
Tianeptine is being absolutely great for all 3 and it's also good for stopping glutamate damage and increasing brain plasticity, so I've read. However, it tends to be addicting and it might stop working. So I don't wanna bet it all on that.I've read Seroquel might be good for bipolar depression and reversing cognitive dysfunction (that is more present in bipolar II). What do you think?
> Eric
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> Levels my mind just enough to feel somewhat normal every odd day. And I feel the longer I take, the better I do/feel overall.
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> > Now, for a conclusion, I would like your input for medications that best and safely fit my diagnosis/possible comorbities, according to my issues, that I will describe here in a more objective manner:
> >
> > My main goal is to seek relief for all the symptoms described above, but while retaining a few capacties or gaining new ones:
> >
> > I wish to see obliterated:
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> > Depression;
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> > anxiety;
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> > negative critical thoughts that "talk to me" in my mind;
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> > intrusive flashbacks that pop up constantly;
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> > overall agitation;
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> > insomnia;
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> > I wish to see improved:
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> > Overall cognition (bad memory, poor concentration, difficulty to (re)learn even the simplest things, poor criativity, difficulty forming sentences sometimes);
> >
> > focus: both on the big picture in life projects, and on the ability to actually read a line on a text book and be able to absorb it. I have an impulsive and frenzied attitude towards life, I rarely finish anything I start and keep trying new things all the time.;
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> > ability to "be in the moment", with no judgement coming from my own mind. to just relax and enjoy myself, letting life happen.
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> > I appreciate any input. Be it medication, behavior change or technique, natural supplementation or anything.
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> > Sincerely grateful.
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poster:kavinsky99
thread:1060760
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20140214/msgs/1061165.html