Posted by muffled on February 17, 2008, at 22:10:31
In reply to Re: pulling posts, posted by Dr. Bob on February 17, 2008, at 2:09:54
> > WHY won't you pull a post when its obvo ongoingly harmful and triggering to all, not JUST the dissed poster????
>
> Dissing is part of life, even here. I'd like to encourage ways of dealing with it besides trying to make it disappear.* of course people get hurt and you try to reduce that, but I just don't feel that leaving and ECEPTIONALLY hurtful post is worth the educational value....
Its sort of like a car accident, its hard to NOT look, and then be triggered/angered etc. And in the interests of encouraging 'dealing' with stuff, then why eg(this is just one example) does a poster get blocked, as opposed to PBC'd re: defending another poster? Are you afraid it would escalate? But then how are we to learn to curb ourselves?
> > > I like the permanency, in a way, because it creates an amazing historical record of truth, not made nicer or glossed over. I especially like the idea that this accepts and includes "bad" impulses and expressions--as if saying that we can all get carried away, and say mean things, and yet we'ere basically accepted as part of the community--and we can accept this about one another, without having to deny or erase it--so this part of all of us is acknowledged,, even though it's important to try not to act on the impulse.*permanency..."Record of 'truth'"....and yet posts ARE deleted sometimes....
Its lovely how we can accept others I am sure, and there are many milder less hurtful examples of us babblers working things out. When a person is publicly blocked, then we know there has been a transgression, it is in the post about the blocking, there IS a partial record there of the "event" for all to see and learn from. Babble is a place of support, it is not therapy. Yes it is a place we can learn stuff, including impulse control, but not when the result is so harmful to others.
I guess to me its a matter of DEGREE. There was awhile back a poster who obsessively went back to this very very hurtful post to him/her, the poster begged you to remove it, many others did too, incl me. The post was CLEARLY causing ongoing pain. To me the ratio of pain vs. learning was NOT worth 'not' pulling that post. Yet there it stayed. It just felt horribly cruel to me. Now its long gone and proly noone sees it anymore...was it worth the historicalness of it to cause that poster and others so much hurt???????????????
I also know there is a poster(blocked) who visits from time to time and spews some on the boards towards Bob(you) and the posts are usus at late night and are quickly removed....why? maybe we could learn from you accepting gracefully these seeming attacks on yourself????
It feels very unfair to me.(I am being somewhat sarcastic here, I think it is good to remove those posts as well as they would be disruptive, just making a point here.)
I know and have grown to understand somewhat the difficulties with running these boards, and fairness etc. But even when there is a combined cry of 'not fair' we seem to not be listened to. Thats what it feels like to me anyhow.
> http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20060622/msgs/662558.html*oh I see the above came from Jost. And from a post that was talking about whether leaving posts stops more negative posts. Which is NOT really what I am talking about here.(I shoulda re read this first ...argh) To some point yes of course, but when they are EXCESSIVELY cruel, they should be removed. The pain outweighs the learning aspect IMHO. There is alot of secondary upset and protectiveness and sometimes additional blocks that tend to follow this sort of thing as well, because others get triggered as well.
> Also, there's sometimes interest in what people have posted in the past. So they might think twice before dissing someone in the first place.*'sometimes'....again, is it worth the amount of hurt that goes on??? And again, at the point where I am 'going off' as it were, I am not thinking of much else other than causing pain (usu to myself) somehow.
> Also, this way it's more clear what's administratively responded to how.*Usu you DO include a 'clip' of what the trangression is in your post about the block, is that not clear enuf? I think it is.
The 'clip' also feels less personal.
The offending post feels VERY personal. We are communicating with words here, they are all we have. So a badly hurtful post IS very hurtful in a VERY REAL WAY. This is not role playing or something, its real, it HURTS.
> > WHY not validate a poster when they been dissed? Even if the disser is already blocked, it still would be nice to acknoledge that poster has been hurt.
>
> I haven't been posting to those who may feel hurt when I block someone. Maybe I should. My hope is that they see the block as validating, and that other posters support them directly.*I agree that the block could possibly feel validating. Though if its a block to a person just trying to help support another poster, but the wording is not perfect babblespeak, well then that sure makes a body feel bad :-(
I was not actually inferring that there should be additional posting over and above the block 'IN THAT THREAD', but in the case where there has been multiple harmful posts, the blocked poster is not 're-blocked'(that would be silly), but it would be nice it the transgression was noticed by you or a dep in the OTHER THREAD(s) affected AS WELL, by posting something like, I dunno, but say "Blocked PosterX" then in the post you could say this poster is already previosly blocked and provide a link.
Its just that in this way, the hurt poster feels like they have not been ignored or unnoticed etc which can be triggering on a board such as this. The blocked poster would have been(and in fact HAS been) blocked for hurting them ALSO...they are not less important, they count too...
I hope I have explained this in a logical way. I am not good at explaining things.
So,
These are my thots on this particular subject.
I have noticed that Bob does write more complete answers which is very nice and feels good.
However, I will add , that he does not always reply to posts to him...this I have noticed, and it does feel bad to be ignored. Again, this can be an issue/triggering for some on this site. Even a short answer/acknowledgement would be nice.
I know you do alot Bob, but some are slipping thru the cracks.
It has GREATLY affected how I feel about this place.
I guess there are no easy answers.
M
poster:muffled
thread:813034
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/admin/20080204/msgs/813358.html