Posted by Racer on November 28, 2004, at 11:56:53
Well, now that we have a board for problems or issues around eating, I guess I can whinge about my issues, huh?
Let's see, I'm finally getting treatment for my eating disorder, and it's pretty intense. I'm finding all sorts of issues I didn't even know I had! Not only the obvious issues, like feeling as if I've tripled in size over the past few weeks, but some things unrelated to food.
The newest came up around the nutritional counseling. The RD recommended that I see her once a week, to start, but I said, "Naw, how about seeing you just once or twice -- that should be enough for me..." Of course, by the following week, I knew that I should have scheduled that next appointment for one week, because I really needed the support and the information she could have offered. (My next appointment is tomorrow, so not a long wait.) The real issue, though, is WHY I didn't feel as if I should be seen once a week? Why I couldn't accept her advice, when she is the expert in treatment, and I'm only the expert on starving myself? She knows something I don't know, she's got experience in treating people with this problem, she knows what works, because she's been involved in treatment that works. I, on the other hand, have never been treated for this before -- someone has handed over pills to make me fat, and they've worked. That's the extent of my "treatment" for this eating disorder. Yet, somehow, I feel as if I have to do this all myself, without adequate resources. Why?
I guess that's got a lot to do with the roots of my problem, but it's still bothering me. Why can't I accept help when it's offered to me?
On top of that, there's the issue about my scale. I won't give it up, especially since it's telling me that things aren't nearly as bad as I think they are. I *feel* as if I've gained a dozen pounds -- or more -- in the past week, and I'm afraid to get on the scale. When I do get on the scale, though, it shows that I've only gained six or seven pounds all together, and only two of those in the past two weeks. But I still feel humongously fat. And my mood is sinking, as I eat more and more. I feel so out of control!
OK, that's a good enough start for today.
And thank you, Dr Bob, for creating this board. I look forward to the support and information I'll find here.
poster:Racer
thread:421293
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20041128/msgs/421293.html