Posted by Racer on November 29, 2004, at 9:17:26
In reply to anorexia bingeing, posted by redscarlet on November 28, 2004, at 23:48:52
Sounds pretty familiar, red. I, too, gained huge amounts of weight from meds, and am entirely ambivalent about recovering from all this. In fact, I want to recover -- but only as a very thin person who doesn't need to eat!
Here's a bit of a clue about that: that's the eating disorder talking.
Have you gotten any treatment for your ED? After almost 30 years, I'm finally getting treatment, and it does make a difference. Maybe not much of one, in that I still hate myself when I eat a semi-normal amount, and still want to starve myself into thinness, but it is helping more than the weight inducing drugs did in the past. There's still a sense of futility, and that my life may as well be over, since I'm just going to be fat, but at least there is someone I can talk to for support, and the nutritional counseling helps me understand what "normal" really is -- and why I feel so out of control with eating.
In past episodes of AN, I have 'binged' myself. Mostly, my binges were still very small amounts, but it did feel terrible. I finally got a routine going of scheduled binges, so that I could get them under control. I'd have something I wanted to eat every Sunday. That way, I didn't over-overeat, and didn't feel so out of control since it was planned.
If you've been restricting for all these years, though, this is probably your body's way of saying it can't cut back anymore, and needs fuel. That might be worth listening to.
I hope there's something in there that helps. It's early, and I'm still half asleep...
poster:Racer
thread:421646
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20041128/msgs/421788.html