Posted by inthegloaming on December 11, 2004, at 17:52:13
oh god.
i had such a horrible day.
my friends thought it was a great idea to take me shopping and have me try on BRAS cos i guess i don't wear 'real' ones and have no idea what i'm doing... so i'm in that horrible dressing room and the dern thing has mirrors that allow--no MAKE--you see every inch of yourself and i thought i was just going to THROW UP.
my body is a thousand times worse than i'd ever like to believe it was. i want to slice it off in big red chunks and flush it down the toilet. just be rid of it, just like that. ugh. i hate myself right now.
my friends were no help. they kept giving me speeches all day about how 'anyone can look good' and 'everyone feels bad about their bodies' and 'this will make you feel better once you get some new clothes!' and they were outside my door telling me to 'come on! it's not that hard' but i couldn't get it to work and every time i turned around i could see ANOTHER PART of my INSIPID AWFUL ABYSMAL flesh and wanted to die all over again...
finally i said enough and ran out of the store. i feel so awful now. my friends are still saying things like 'you're just afraid to stop hiding under those clothes.' i'm just so hurt right now by all of it and i can't tell anyone cos they won't understand... nobody will and nobody does but maybe you folks will cos i don't know what to do anymore. i can't live one more day like this but i have to, i don't have a choice, it won't just all go away.
i just feel lilke hurting myself somehow but there's nothing here. maybe i'll get drunk later.
ugh.
poster:inthegloaming
thread:427863
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20041128/msgs/427863.html