Posted by Racer on January 29, 2005, at 18:05:00
Admittedly, this has been a hellish week, but I think this is more than that. Right now, I'd give anything to get this additional weight off me. I actually had visions the other night of hacking it all off with a knife! (NO, I would NOT do that, but the vision was pretty satisfying.) I'm so miserable about all this, you can't imagine. To make matters worse, it's almost all around my belly, which makes me so damned self-conscious.
I can't tell if it's my eyes or my body, but all of me looks as if it's just suddenly grown into sausage-like globs. I can't stand it, I really can't. And part of the hell is that I don't really feel as if there's any place for me to turn right now. Much as I like my therapist, she's never had anything helpful to offer about this, and so it doesn't seem worthwhile to bring it up. My RD has said things about it, that I'm still underweight, that this is a distortion, and she did warn me about the weight hitting me all in one place, but that's not enough. I go to a support group which really helps with a lot of it, but can't take the place of individual therapy, or even group therapy, but I also feel so guilty about taking up time there, when everyone there needs something.
I'm just in a really bad place right now, and swear to you that NOTHING is worth feeling this bad. I'd rather stay sick than have to keep going through this.
poster:Racer
thread:449873
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20041128/msgs/449873.html