Posted by Dr. Beth Steinhauer on March 12, 2005, at 16:24:32
In reply to Steinhauer-ED or not, posted by B2chica on March 11, 2005, at 17:55:51
> they've tagged me with an ED label.
> i agree in a sense that yes i have issues. but i don't think i'm fat, i don't have loosing weight in mind. no body image issues.
> of course there are control issues but mostly if i restrict or abuse lax it's because of this 'process'.
> 1. it disgusts me to see people shovel this "matter" into an orafice of their body, heck why the mouth-why solid foods why can't we drink with fluidity our sustanance?
>
> 2.the design of the human body is so intricate, everything has it's purpose. but it seems that we should be self sustaining.
>
> 3.is eating the fatal flaw of humanities design?
>
> 4.everything that should go into this whole in my head feels so unnatural that i want it out as soon as possible. due to some medication i stumbled onto use of laxatives and soon started abusing them finding that this eased this pressure and hatred of this 'flawed' function.
>
> FYI-i just finally started therapy with a hopefully great psychologist.
> we just talked yesterday and he and i discussed this feeling that i have-actually we had a great conversation and he 'understands' where i'm coming from (can't believe it-others view it as only a weight issue-not my case).
>
> i guess i'm not sure there's a question here. but i wanted to state in writing what was going on in my corner.
> due to the results it's been categorized as an eating disorder...logically it is.
> But have been very suicidal and recently hospitalized because of it. i'm not sure i'm past that but moving to this issue that i'm sure has caused some permanant effects to my body, i view my labeled 'disorder' as my struggle with needs of humanity and my lack of wanting to be a part of it.
>
> would appreciate any comments regarding my view.
> (oh, and welcome to babble!)
> b2c.Dear B2chica,
My work with people with eating disorders has taught me that there can be endless variations on why people feel uneasy about food or eating. You are not the only person with an eating disorder whose primary goal isn't weight loss or fear of fat.
I'm gratified that you've started working with a psychologist, and hope you will continue. It sounds from your description as though you feel repelled by a process that, like it or not, is built into being a human being. You are feeling embattled against your own irrefutable biological need for survival. It's analogous to someone deciding that the human being's need for sleep is loathsome, and resisting it with all their might, when sleep is simply necessary for survival and has no moral currency. Needing food for survival, like needing sleep, is neutral, neither ennobling us nor degrading us. It's a given of the human condition.
I think you are very insightful when you say that your disgust with natural bodily functions has more to do with your struggle with what it means to be alive and your uncertainty, at times, about whether you want any part of it. I believe that therapy can be helpful for you in resolving these questions. My hope for you is that, as you become more accepting of yourself, you will also feel more committed to remaining alive and healthy.
Please make sure that your psychologist as well as your medical doctors (internist/psychiatrist) are aware of your laxative use. Laxatives can cause serious medical complications, such as electrolyte imbalances, cardiac arrythmias, dehydration, and so on.
Good luck with your recovery--Dr. Steinhauer
poster:Dr. Beth Steinhauer
thread:469675
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/eating/20041128/msgs/470123.html