Posted by Racer on July 20, 2006, at 0:34:20
In reply to Sustaining self esteem within depression, posted by ClearSkies on July 19, 2006, at 14:14:17
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> What keeps you going when you loathe yourself so completely?You do, for one...
When I'm drowning in despair -- I can't believe I'm going to admit this, but it shows you how much I care about you to admit this publicly -- CourtTV and Law & Order reruns help me get through the day. I will lie on the sofa, with a quilt pulled around my head (my legs can be out, but my head has to be covered), and find a channel to watch. Those are the two most common choices. I also perform swan dives into potato chip books. (May I interest you in a writer called Stephen White? Good storyteller, interesting enough characters, and I'll give him an 85 for danceability, Dick...)
Often, I'll also get an -- wait, what did Dinah call them? Not "obsessions," but "Enthusiasms..." I'll get an Enthusiasm going. One time it was learning to spin -- spun several pounds of wool, and knit only with homespun for nearly a year. Another was sewing a bunch of new tops. Just cut 'em all out -- all undyed rayon challis -- stitch 'em all up, and then dye them all. It was helpful, because instead of having a focus on my own misery, I was able to become engaged by the process -- although, when I sew, it kinda seems miraculous to me, not as though I'm doing something, but as though a miracle is occurring which has nothing to do with my actions. So, it's always a surprise to me what happens when I sew, which I think is why that works for me. Oh, yeah, and the dyeing part is fun...
Mostly, when I get deeply depressed, I have been trying to take the pressure off myself -- rather than forcing myself to carry on as though I was OK, I am trying to give myself Depression Time. Take the time off, cancel everything except therapy, just be. Sure, it's Just Be depressed, but at least it's better than the alternative for me.
And CS? What I started with is true. I'm in class until 12:30 my time, but you've got my number. And I can make time on Friday. If you think it would help.
Hey! I can even tell you what a loser you are, if that would help! (Or I can tell you what I really think...)
poster:Racer
thread:668295
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060706/msgs/668510.html