Posted by Reggie BoStar on August 29, 2006, at 18:25:23
In reply to Depersonalisation etc, posted by Declan on August 28, 2006, at 0:00:04
Hi,
For me, the fear with Social Phobia is that either someone in the crowd will harm me in some way, or I'll come to harm and be helpless in a crowd of apathetic and/or potentially dangerous strangers.Depersonalisation for me was the sensation that I "had trouble concentrating on myself", and that "I was slowly looking through the pages of a book in the dark, as though I were reading it." That was the way I described it to my MD, who immediately set me up with a psychiatric appointment.
I think the gist of his reaction was that I was describing something that I realized after the event. During the event, I was not aware of anything going wrong. I wasn't afraid or anxious about the fact that I didn't seem to be thinking for myself.
The psychiatrist verified that this sort of experience is an example of one type of depersonalisation - the type that the victim is completely unaware of until later when he remembers, or if someone tells him about it.
In my case, severe/bipolar II depression is the causative agent. Evidently depersonalisation can happen when the hypomanic phase changes rapidly back to severe depression.
I obviously need to learn more about this, but it's a real catch-22 situation: when I try to study it, I start to crank up into a hypomanic phase. Someone else in the know has to tell me about it, and what I remember about the conversation is all I seem to be able to handle.
Needless to say, this figures into a self-esteem issue not only because of the depression, but because after a depersonalisation event I feel as though I've been under the control of a personality a lot stronger than the one I thought was me. And if I'm the losing half of a split personality, then someday....
Better stop now!
Reggie BoStar
poster:Reggie BoStar
thread:680716
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20060827/msgs/681262.html