Posted by lando68 on December 15, 2007, at 14:23:29
I'm not sure what I'm trying to say here, just thinking as I type. I haven't cleaned my house in about two years. I've cleaned small areas of it now and then as needed, but not an overall decluttering and sanitizing kind of cleaning of the entire place (and it's a small house - 700ish square feet). I've never been a neat freak and have always had a tendency to let clutter build until a certain point and then clean everything up...and then the cycle would start over. But in the last two years, I seem to have lost that switch that keeps the cycle going. It's not that I don't care at all that nearly every surface in my house is piled with clutter, or that I haven't changed my sheets in a couple of months, or that there is a carton of orange juice (among many other things) in my fridge that expired 18 months ago - it's that I don't care enough to do something about it. It isn't hurting anything. It isn't hurting me. Neatness is as neatness does, and all that. To paraphrase a line from the movie "The Breakup", I don't want myself to DO the dishes, I want myself to WANT to do the dishes. But I DON'T want to, not very much. Not enough to actually do them. Does this mean I have low self-esteem, or does it just mean that my priorities/values are different than they used to be? Is it the meds? I mean, I have enough self-esteem to shower daily, do my laundry often enough to wear clean clothes, hold down a job, and feed my dog and feed my fish and water my plants. And the time I've spent thinking about the WHY of all this could likely have been used to clean the entire house several times over, and I suspect the fact that this thought has occurred to me means that on some level it does bother me quite a bit...but, again, not enough to get back to where I was. Any thoughts?
poster:lando68
thread:801009
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20071011/msgs/801009.html