Posted by ClearSkies on December 18, 2007, at 12:13:25
In reply to Re: Self Esteem in re Apathy/Inertia/Anhedonia, posted by lando68 on December 17, 2007, at 18:34:35
Another thing that's occurred to me is that even though the depression may be behind us not being able to keep up with our households, I think it affects our self esteem adversely. I see my household start to decay around me and think that I'm not a good enough person because I used to be able to keep on top of things like clutter and dead things in my fridge; and as depression gets worse and I no longer have the strength or control over those things, I feel like a loser because of it.
Of course, I try not to use that negative self talk, but to deny it exists is folly. I DO think I'm a loser sometimes because the dust bunnies have taken over my hallway. What kind of effort would it take to sweep them away? The kind of effort that just escapes me, most days. And so I continue to beat myself up over the most trivial of things, and that beating up is what erodes how I esteem myself.
How to separate the illness of depression and what it does from who I am - this is a daily struggle for me. The core of who I am has NOTHING to do with wrestling the dust bunnies into submission - yet I judge myself by this very criteria on a pretty regular basis.
ClearSkies
poster:ClearSkies
thread:801009
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/esteem/20071011/msgs/801418.html