Posted by galkeepinon on September 8, 2003, at 0:13:47
In reply to Being Alone, posted by Heather66 on September 7, 2003, at 16:50:53
Heather, I really hope you don't mind~I haven't posted on this board yet, but when I saw your post, I wanted to post to you.
I met David in 1988 at work. We fell in love, he was my first serious relationship. I lost my virginity to him. We broke up in 1993 and we were best friends and lovers. He wanted to 'see the world' with me. I contacted him on classmates.com last summer and we emailed each other a few times yada yada yada about 'what was new in our lives'. He is now married for 8 years. I'm truly happy for him.
My point: I still, to this day miss him very much. I feel like I messed up, like I really, really blew it. We could have maybe had something beautiful and shared our lives together, but nope it didn't happen. I, like you, cried uncontrollably too, and here it is 2003 and just about a few months ago, I cried because of my feelings. Like you also, I went to a doctor who diagnosed me with major depression(severe) and put me on Prozac at the time.**I have been where you're at. There was a time when I had no doctor, no one who I could talk to, no one I could trust. Right now, you don't have your friend, and I am sorry. There are a million more 'friends' out in your world that may be waiting for you. Maybe someday you two will have something again, maybe not. Try to remember this, whatever you two shared, cannot be shared between him and anyone else:-)remember that, I know he will. That's important.
There is a saying, *It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all*, please remember that right now.
I hear your feelings of hopelessness, I've been there, I hear your frustration, I've been there. I was told once by a great therapist when I was trying to 'find' that same someone that you are, to look right 'here', and you know where she pointed to? She pointed to my heart. She told me that only I am going to be the one who finds what I need and get it. A doctor can't give it to me, a med can't, a friend can't give it to me, a boyfriend, husband, etc.~I'm not saying that these things can't be shared, oh sure they can! A doctor helps us with meds and diseases and affliction, we share our live with friends and lovers, etc., but sometimes they will let us down. We will expect something from them that they cannot or will not be able to give us, and that's where we have to give it to ourselves. But maybe we need to look inside ourselves for what it is we need, and give that to ourselves. Life holds no guarantees. Somehow, you've got to break down those 'walls' and let people in. Let them help you, let yourself be helped and cared about again and let yourself care again. You owe it to yourself.
That's all I can say right now, I really hope this helped.
Take Care!
poster:galkeepinon
thread:257875
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/257966.html