Posted by zenhussy on December 20, 2003, at 3:39:51
Less than three weeks until the anniversary of my father's death. It was lifetimes ago. It still is painfully unreal.
This year I hope to be able to go to the cemetary with my brother. It will be the second time we'll have been at his gravesite together ever. The whole family mourning thing didn't really 'happen' for me until decades after his death. I didn't know how to allow this type of pain when I was that young. I'm barely understanding how to do it now.
Consider me a novice on this grief thing. Read volumes on it of course but reading and studying does not and cannot open one's heart.
Damn. I guess pretending this time of year is okay is stupid...it just reminds me of a season of death. And it is no mistake this post comes after the first night of lights for Chanukkah...one of the last holidays I had with my father.
--a sad young woman
poster:zenhussy
thread:291836
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/grief/20030903/msgs/291836.html