Posted by NThompson on June 24, 2003, at 19:32:03
In reply to Re: Why am I so obsessed with a label? » NThompson, posted by Dinah on June 19, 2003, at 18:52:56
Hi there all. I just want to say that all of you are very strong people. You definately aren't alone. WE are all here for a reason. We all feel the same. If we didn't, there wouldn't be websites like this!
JYL - I feel you. I hate it when I get so depressed that I just want to curl up in a dark place, turn off all the lights, phones, lock all the doors and pretend that I am off dreaming somewhere else. In a place that is so wonderful and airy. Then a couple of minutes go by and I see the dark place in my mind that won't go away. I hated feeling that way. So much that I tried to commit suicide at the beginning of this month. The dark place took over. I have no idea why I feel this way, however, I do want to feel better.
I don't know if I will ever be off the meds. All I know is that I am starting to feel better. I want to see my children grow-up, be there when they need me. I love them and my family, so I am working on myself to get better. If that means meds all my life, then that is a small price to pay to have a lifeful of memories. Today after I dropped my daughter off at school, I went for a small drive. I rolled all of the windows down and let the fresh air blow around me. I breathed in very deeply and though how beautiful the sky and trees where. Then I thought, I can beat this. I will feel better. I am worth being here in this world. Then I thought, I will look in the mirror again and recognize the person starring back at me. I will do that, that is the person I love. I will find her again! I just have to search harder.
So what I am saying is please, don't think you want to be anywhere but here. We all want you here. And as far as meds, be happy that we have them. Could you imagine going through this a hundred years ago and before? They would either have ended up dead of suicide or in an asylum. Just because they where depressed, not crazy! So I am wanting to feel better and if I have to take happy pills all my life to do so, then I do so, and so can you.
Let me know how you are doing? I am here if any of you need me. I hate that dark place too.
NThompson
poster:NThompson
thread:230170
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030529/msgs/236751.html