Posted by cerodwen on July 9, 2003, at 16:43:50
In reply to Re: Friends, posted by stjames on July 9, 2003, at 14:54:02
I guess what I'm waiting for isn't someone to knock at my door, more for someone to open my lock. if i'm not getting too entrenched in metaphors... I meet lots of people but they often seem cold or unfriendly or distant. and when I meet someone nice they already have so many friends I feel like why bother reaching out to them, I wouldn't be anything special to them.
It is really bad because isolation is one of the main determinants of my moods. If I don't have people to be with and talk to I get very depressed, and it's a vicious cycle: I'm shy and tend to isolate myself so I don't spend time with people.
I have been working on noticing what makes me feel good and what doesn't and noticing that it really helps to spend time with pleasant people was a good thing to be aware of, but how I can translate that to suddenly having a lot of loving, caring supportive friends who take lots of interest in me I have not the clue.
Mostly I am very numb and unwilling to take action, just completely sucked in by psychological pain. I hate depression. I hate genetics. I hate being bipolar and I hate not being able to talk about it.
poster:cerodwen
thread:239553
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030529/msgs/240350.html