Posted by Dinah on July 9, 2003, at 17:22:39
In reply to Therapist versus boyfriend (long), posted by Tabitha on July 9, 2003, at 14:13:00
Hey Tabitha.
I'll stick my nose out of my little burrow for a sec. :)
I think in your heart you know the answer to this. And for what it's worth, I trust your judgement enough to think that your decision will be a wise one. I also trust your maturity and wisdom enough to think that you will follow through on whatever decision is in your heart at a pace that feels right to you and perhaps your boyfriend, not anyone else.
I have a fair amount of awe for those who can make a relationship decision and immediately follow through with it. But I also respect those who send out a few weather balloons first as well.
In the thirteen years I dated my husband, I decided countless times that he was not the man for me. And I decided countless + 1 times that he was just what I needed. And I was right both times. Eventually I adjusted my expectations such that he was the right man for me, while still retaining those expectations that were essential for me. And over ten years later, the process continues. It's actually what I'm working on right now in therapy.
I did the same thing with my relationship with my therapist the first five years in therapy. The final result could have gone either way I suppose, as I was disappointed, readjusted my expectations, etc. But it turned out that my essential expectations could be met by this therapist, and quite nicely too.
You'll do the same thing, at your own pace. And be happier with your decision because of it, whatever your decision is.
Of course, from time to time (like in this post, or your post to Kara Lynne), it may appear clearer to your therapist and friends what your ultimate decision will be. But that is no reason to rush into it. (Of course, I'm the person who dated my husband for thirteen years, so what do I know?)
poster:Dinah
thread:240306
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20030529/msgs/240357.html