Posted by Dinah on March 6, 2004, at 9:44:28
In reply to Question for everyone on odd parenting, posted by Elle2021 on March 6, 2004, at 2:44:28
Three to four is pretty young, and while she may be remembering correctly, the memories might also have gotten mixed up a bit. She remembers sitting on Dad's lap, she remembers seeing him on the potty with his lap looking a whole lot different, maybe seeing some things she didn't need to see, she might even have asked, in the total unselfconscious way little kids have, to sit on his lap or tried to climb there. She might remember sitting on his lap in the toilet while he was fully clothed at bathtime or when she was sick, and got all the experiences merged together.
In other words, it may have happened and been really inappropriate, or some of it might have happened and been somewhat inappropriate. I don't think I ever let my son see me on the potty, although he may have wandered in by accident. So bringing a three-four year old girl to the bathroom with a man, I think that could be considered somewhat inappropriate. But if nothing else happened, it might not be in her best interests to dwell too much on it.
I have actually recently realized that I have huge issues with my mother and exposure. Not that I think she deliberately did anything deliberately inappropriate, or even inadvertantly inappropriate. We were both female. But she somehow exposed a lot more on the potty than she should have (perhaps after surgery?) and it had a very bad effect on my feelings about female sexuality. It has a big effect on me even today. On the other hand, I recognize that my memories on the subject are distorted. If only because of physical realities - what I remember happening *couldn't* have happened.
Disclaimer: I'm not saying that childhood memories aren't accurate. Just that there are some of my memories that are clearly amalgams and I'd hate to see someone lose a supportive relationship with their father over what may not have been problematic behavior.
poster:Dinah
thread:321016
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040303/msgs/321082.html