Posted by crushedout on July 16, 2004, at 15:43:07
In reply to Re: Transference pain never ends, posted by Rigby on July 14, 2004, at 20:29:38
Rigby,Yeah. (A), I'm a lesbian -- I don't get super-into guys. (B), being in love with my therapist makes it very hard for me to get super-into anyone. That's the problem, or part of it.
But, I really don't think I'm "settling." This guy is really great. The sex is really good, I'm learning so much about myself, and I really, really like him. I don't feel capable of falling in love with a guy and I've told him that. He's ok with everything, which is one of the amazing things about him. Sometimes I think being in love isn't all it's cracked up to be, anyway. And I feel like he's helping me in a huge way to get over my therapist, or, as much as anyone has ever been able to help me, which is not much. But I'm hopeful. So, it's definitely a good development in my life, there's no question about it.
Which brings me to the point that I'm not at all "backsliding." Quite the contrary. I just haven't "frontslided" and that's why I'm miserable. I feel like I should have gotten past this by now and I'm not at all past it yet. I feel like I might just be ready to begin the process, but haven't I been trying to begin this process for a year now? Yes, I think I have. And it's been an agonizing, tortuous year in many ways.
I also disagree that if I get into someone that my crush is going to go away. I kind of believe I will always have this place in my heart for her --a crush on some level -- like Raindancer was saying, and that I have to find a way to make the most of it and find other people who can take up residence in other parts of my heart. Sounds cheesy but you know what I mean.
I think thinking of this relationship as "settling," or thinking I have to find something as electric and wonderful as what I have with my T will only keep me where I am forever, which is not a good place to be. This relationship represents growth for me.
Enough said.
crushed
poster:crushedout
thread:365838
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/366902.html