Posted by Tanya K on July 19, 2004, at 18:43:59
In reply to Re: Doctor role muddle, posted by shadows721 on July 19, 2004, at 12:58:47
Re loved ones,I have learned the hard way that my loved ones are grieving in their own way,I DO have an obligation to be aware of their feelings,intitially at dx I thought the world revolved around me[the cry "I have cancer"is a real trump card!],it doesn't,other people still have their very valid feelings,I have to be thoughtful in what I say or do.It isn't out of a wish to be good,we all die,I'm dying young,that's very hard for them.
That said I only mix with the people who love me,and I'm constantly amazed by the kind folk who surround me.Or the people I've never met who support me,send emails or letters.
My life is much populated by other girls suffering from this disease[breast cancer]recently most of the stage 4 girls have died.
I used to think I was working thru my own feelings by going the extra mile for these girls,but they bring me peace.I think most of the stuff we do for others,we truely do for ourselves in some way.I should be scared,like most of the stage one and two girls in our local support group,of women with mets,but I never have been.I feel a bit adrift from those I was dx with who are piecing their lives together now,they view me with fear.
In terms of personal growth I wouldn't give back my cancer diagnosis,but wouldn't it have been lovely if my life had just gone on?I would still be sleeping,thinking that I was immortal,married to my lovely vet[who left me at dx]having his babies[chemo left me sterile,he has a child now,oh the pain!]
I live in a strange place,apart from other humans,I watch them with their families,its almost alien.
I'm still fascinated by transferance,I think I was always seeking my father figure in my relationships!
love T xxxxx
poster:Tanya K
thread:367637
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/367940.html