Posted by Susan47 on July 22, 2004, at 17:23:01
In reply to frequency » Susan47, posted by daisym on July 22, 2004, at 12:00:54
Hi,
It was so nice to hear from you. Thank you for your input.
I can't see my T anymore at all, and when I was seeing him more frequently (which I call once every two weeks) the dependency I was feeling was really horrible. I felt like I lived to see the man. To me, it was surrealistic, because I didn't really even know this person, I felt the relationship was completely one-sided, he was my employee yet I was having these *feelings* for him, and the feelings were what kept me coming back.
I just didn't feel right about it. I saw briefly today, and as I heard myself say "I need to take these feelings I have for *you* and transfer them onto a man who *is* available is my *real* life," I felt release.
Perhaps there will never be a *real* man whom I feel about, the same way I felt about my T. Then again, he wasn't real either, he was a gorgeous idealization, and it was so much *fun* at the time. But for me, the pain of dependency just wasn't worth it.
I love this Board!
poster:Susan47
thread:366576
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040716/msgs/369079.html