Posted by fallsfall on September 12, 2004, at 14:33:55
In reply to therepy helps but is it enough, posted by seidrkoma on September 12, 2004, at 13:52:54
>I am afraid to let go of my depression because I don't know what I will be like if I do
I can really relate to this. I've been severely depressed for 9 1/2 years (disabled from work for 7 1/2 of them). Depression is *comfortable* because it is familiar.
But I don't want to live like this. So I try to do a little bit at a time (I have a 16 year old daughter to fight with, 10 months ago I started working 10 hours a week at my library, 8 weeks ago I finally cleaned my kitchen counter (and it is still clean!), now I'm removing years of dirt from my family room. Going to work gets me out of the house and forces me to be sociable.
I have some long term goals (take some tests at Vocational Rehab to identify reasonable careers for me (I can't handle the stress of Software Engineering any more), if the Library turns out to be a reasonable career then take some classes, get my daughter out of high school and into college). But I have to move really slowly, talking about careers a couple of months ago precipitated a crash. I need to feel comfortable enough that I can *think* while I'm working before it makes sense for me to go back to school.
It is very much like growing up all over again. It takes time to figure out how to relate to the world. It takes time to have enough confidence that you *can* do things to actually do them.
Do you have some goals? Can you identify a few simple things that you can start to do to get ready to start moving towards the goals? Or even just identify a few simple things that will let you start moving towards figuring out what a goal might be? (Volunteering is a wonderful way to start. Places just LOVE people who come and volunteer - you will be so appreciated!)
I freak if I put deadlines on these things - I can only do it if I decide what order I'll do things, and I add the next thing in when I'm comfortable with what I'm doing now.
Your goals don't even have to be very concrete. I decided that I couldn't stand my filthy house any more. I did a little in the kitchen, a little with the paperwork piles, a little in the family room. Then I decided that I needed the family room rug cleaned, and that I was going to remove everything and not put anything back in until I had cleaned it. The rug was cleaned on 8/10. I have 2 chairs to clean, and the mantle and then the family room will be done! So it takes me more than a month to clean the things in my family room and put them away. That seems rediculous, but that is how it is. And it is more progress than I had been making.
I'd really like to hear how things go for you.
poster:fallsfall
thread:389999
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040911/msgs/390013.html