Posted by Jadah on September 15, 2004, at 16:59:56
In reply to Re: Im hurting so bad - Jadah, posted by starlight on September 5, 2004, at 2:07:33
Hi everyone, I hope you all are doing well. I know its been awhile. Where do I start? Im still very hurt but Im moving into alot of anger. I feel used and thrown away at my own expense. I feel things that I swore I wouldnt because "he was different".... like I wonder if he'll do it again, he took advantage of me abd of my feelings and vulnerabilty. I lost, he didnt because he went back to his family, I went back to the feelings. I cant believe that he is scum enough to cheat on his wife (and kids) as long as he did and walked away with no scratches. This is why I wonder if he will do it again, he had no consequences, I made it easy for him. Im not out to get him in trouble, I played my part too. I feel so stupid that I allowed all this to go on. The next person wont. I do still love him and believes that he cares about me very much, however I also know that things are over. I never thought I would think all of this. I hate him right now, more days than none. He says he is worried about me, and doesnt like the fact that I wont process my feelings about this so we can talk about it. Im afraid I'll lose it if I did, Im so angry. He still says that he loves me. Its funny, I see myself going through all the stages of greif and loss...(denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance).. I hope I can get to the end in one piece. The last thing I want right now is a relationship, even though I am lonely. I think about his wife and kids a lot and him going about his life. I just want mine back. You guys were right in all that you've said. I was just too blind to recognize it at the time. Dont let this happen to you. LOVE HURTS...I WILL SURVIVE. Right now kind of half-heartedly looking for a new therapist. In the mean time, believe it or not, I am still seeing him for therapy. Crazy, I know. One step at a time. Miss you guys! As always, thanks for the support. Talk to you soon.
Jadah
poster:Jadah
thread:267681
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040911/msgs/391169.html