Posted by sunny10 on November 3, 2004, at 8:59:53
In reply to CBT vs. Psychodynamic Therapy (Sunny10), posted by fallsfall on November 2, 2004, at 20:11:09
Actually, I went to online searching yesterday after reading your earlier post.
So far, it seems like the CBT and the psychodynamic both expect the patient to talk through what's bothering them, and deals with how we react to day to day current life situations based on our perception of our upbringing.
I know what my childhood was like, I know that resent everyone, including myself, on a day to day basis, just for having lived through that childhood. I know that "my inner child has not grown up"- my adult self has grown up and I LOGICALLY can see these things, but I understand how this world works, what is "expected" of humans in the 2000's (and what I can expect from them) and I hate it all.
I don't understand why the doctors "had" to save me all three times- I also don't understand why, when I was 36 last March and overdosed (I tried to take a lot of stuff to sleep,-I was sleep deprived and wound up od'ing in my desperation to sleep), so I went to the ER because I didn't want a bad liver on top of hating life already). The doctor on call in the emergency room looked at me, looked at the nurse and asked how old I was. She said "36" from my chart, and to me he said, "ok, let's check your heart rate and temperature and get you out of here". Apparently if I had just slit my wrists that time, I wouldn't have even BEEN sewn up just 'cause I was 36! Even the hospital staff knew my life wasn't worth saving at this point. (Although, frankly, when I was 28 and had slit my wrists, the nurse asked the on-call doc if she should call the plastic surgeon and he told he I should have to live with the scars to remind myself how stupid I am)
All I ever wanted out of life was to love and be loved (not necessarily romanticly). To me, there is no other reason to live. But, by the nature of my upbringing, I usually cause friction in my relationships by being convinced that the other person (lover, friend, whatever)is going to abandon me physically or emotionally. So there is no love, only unhappiness.
What is the "right" type of therapist to convince me that life is worth living? I've tried to not watch the news, I try to bury my head from the knowledge of what humans do to each other on a daily basis, but I am still aware and frightened by it all (mostly that I have to be in a world like this- not scared of someone knifing me, that could be a type of favor to me!)
Meanwhile, I have a 13 yr old son who is ADHD co-morbid with depression. I have HIM in therapy, 'cause I certainly can't help him be happy- I haven't figured out how yet, myself. I spend a lot of personal energy just putting on an "everything is hunky-dory" act. If I did kill myself, he is now old enough to remember me and miss me and be even worse off than he is now. I feel guilty for not knowing about my clinical depression before I got pregnant. I unknowingly condemned him to this horrid world.
What type of T can help with that?
By the way, I am not currently "depressed"- this is me at my most logical/rational.... Not pretty, hunh??
Sorry,
sunny10
poster:sunny10
thread:410838
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/411000.html