Posted by crushedout on November 3, 2004, at 20:53:48
In reply to Re: How was your appointment? » crushedout, posted by Rigby on November 3, 2004, at 12:25:38
Hey Rigby. It's been such a rough couple weeks: my parents left the country, I broke up with my boyfriend (and we're not getting along) (which is all good but still just a big change since I'm back to being alone all the time), my cat died, I took the break from my T, and then Bush was re-elected. It's enough to make me want to cash in my chips. But I keep thinking about this Bob Dylan lyric: "When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose." In other words, there's freedom in all this loss and misery. I'm trying to look on the bright side, can you tell? I know, I could use help in this department. Not my strong suit.But you weren't asking in general. Yes, about the T, I feel good in a way. Yeah, stronger, assertive. I'm taking charge of the situation, not just being a victim. Telling her the way I did -- and asking her not to contact me -- was assertive and, for once, it did not feel passive aggressive. I was *not* doing it to hurt her, or to get a reaction out of her. I was just doing it to take care of myself, which is of course, the best reason to do it. And I'm resisting the urge to now try to take care of her (by writing her a letter or whatever).
So, yeah, it's painful. I think about her a lot. I miss her a lot. I still want what I've wanted with her for a long time, very badly. But I feel ready to move on in a way. Tired of the torture, even though I can't imagine what will replace it.
I'll definitely try to keep you guys posted. Thanks for asking.
> Hi Crushed,
>
> How are you doing? This all sounds like progress, although painful, for sure.
>
> I think it took a lot of courage to take the break. And to ask that she not contact you. I hope that you are having some glimmers of feeling differently--perhaps stronger, perhaps more clear headed admist what probably feels like a lot of loss and pain.
>
> Keep us posted, okay?
>
>
> > It went ok. It felt like nowhere near enough time and I was scattered and disjointed. But we have another appointment next Monday. And -- here's the biggest news -- I told my usual T that I have to take a two-week break. I cancelled our sessions for the next two weeks, told her it was a difficult decision, and that I would let her know if I ended up needing a longer break. I told her she didn't need to call me back unless she had a problem with that she needed to discuss.
> >
> > I just felt like I needed distance from her to effectively sort out my feelings about her and figure out what I need to do.
> >
> > I'm thinking of writing her a letter explaining this to her (I didn't explain any of *why* I needed a break -- only that I needed one and that it was difficult). Do you think it's a good idea? Or should I just let her wonder. I guess, once again, I'm worrying too much about her feelings, and I should just be taking care of myself. Interesting to note, anyway.
> >
> > I'll write more soon if I can.
>
>
poster:crushedout
thread:409442
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041026/msgs/411331.html