Posted by Rigby on November 5, 2004, at 16:21:03
In reply to She emailed me, posted by crushedout on November 5, 2004, at 13:45:13
You're right--she should **not** have contacted you. It's completely disrespectful not to mention unwise. A wise therapist would let you draw your own conclusions with time and space away (and of course, obviously, respect your basic wishes!)
If you can resist, don't respond to her. But if you feel you need to discuss this real-time see if you can do that with the alternative therapist you're using now--even do a phone call if you're feeling on the edge.
I hope at least you validated in your quest to find someone who can really help you. I think this one beats the auditory hallucination my (former??) therapist had!!
> OK, so I made plans for the week of Thanksgiving and got a job that conflicted with one of my scheduled therapy appointments in the latter half of the month, so as a courtesy, I emailed my T to cancel two more appointments. Here's what I wrote:
>
> "Hi [Ellen],
>
> I need to cancel a couple more dates with you: [date 1] and [date 2]. So at this point, in November, we are only scheduled to see each other on [date 3] and [date 4]. I hope it's okay with you to leave it that way for now. Assuming it is, you don't need to contact me. I'd actually prefer that you didn't.
>
> Thanks,
> [crushedout]
>
> p.s. I mailed the check yesterday."
>
>
> This morning as I was laying in bed, I was thinking how good it was that I had asked her not to contact me, because I don't wake up in the morning waiting for or expecting or hoping for an email from her, and that gives me some much needed emotional distance. And then I got up and checked my email, only to see her name in my inbox. Irony.
>
> Here's what she wrote:
>
> "Hi [crushedout],
>
> I respect your request for a break and I appreciate that you prefer I don't contact you. Still, as you go through this process, it seems important to let you know that my thoughts are with you. From the clarity of your messages, I am reassured that you are ok. I wish you well and look forward to our session on [date 3].
>
> all the best, [Ellen]"
>
>
> Is that messed up or what?????? It feels very manipulative to me. Not to mention disrespectful of my requests, which were very clear.
>
> It makes me think of what the consulting T I'm seeing said: that if she lets me go without a fight, I'm going to feel discarded and abandoned, but if she tries to get me to stay, I'll feel manipulated but also loved and cherished. Of course I was happy to get this email on one level. But I'm very distrustful of her motives and I *do* feel manipulated.
>
> I mean, why does she need to let me know I'm in her thoughts? I think she just doesn't want me to vilify her and she's trying to insert herself as a kind soul, when I'm trying to detach and she should let me do that in whatever way I can.
>
> I guess maybe she had good motives (she's concerned about me? -- but she said she was reassured that I was fine!) but I doubt they were the majority of what inspired this email.
poster:Rigby
thread:409442
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20041104/msgs/412301.html