Posted by daisym on February 19, 2005, at 19:17:17
In reply to Re: Emotional Abandonment » daisym, posted by Shortelise on February 18, 2005, at 13:22:21
I could have written what you wrote about crying. How about these lines:
"Crying never solves anything."
"I'll give you something to cry about!"
"Tears are weak and girly. Don't use them to manipulate people into feeling sorry for you."I learned a long time ago not to cry. I think that is why when I cry my therapist doesn't want me to wipe away the tears, he always says "leave them, it's OK for me to see them." We've been talking about tears a lot lately. Like how is it possible for one person to have so many?!
I'm with you on your description of limpet-like behavior and running away. I freeze up too, not doing either thing. I like the flight or fight response analogy. I guess my fight response this time is stronger than my flight. I haven't left yet, at least. I do trust him. I just don't trust myself to keep it altogether and to know when enough is enough. I think I test a lot...I poke and prod and ask and question and read and research and go back to poking again.
After all, isn't this a set up to get hurt? We learn to trust and the goal is to eventually not have this trusted person in our life anymore. I've been left enough, thanks. He completely acknowledges this aspect of therapy but tells me he's available as long as I need him, years and years even. *sigh* I guess I shouldn't think about that part yet.
Mostly it is my fear that my life is so complicated that even the most experienced therapist would say, "geez, what a mess. I don't think I can help you much. You look like you are doing pretty well anyway." My therapist know just how clingy and needy I can get, and so far he has tolerated it just fine.
Thanks for the nice words about insight. Sometimes I think I'm just feeling my way in the dark.
poster:daisym
thread:459147
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20050218/msgs/460538.html