Posted by annierose on December 12, 2005, at 16:24:55
In reply to Re: Feeling silly in a sad way » annierose, posted by Dinah on December 12, 2005, at 9:01:45
First, a side to Dinah - you have me really curious. I hope you find the courage to share that experience with me.
I started today's session telling her that it was really hard missing my appointment on Friday. She seemed to gloss right over that thought and asked me if I was feeling better that the week was behind me. I had told her a few times that last week was going to be "one of those weeks". Every evening I had someplace other than home that I had to be. I found it hard to answer her questions, and told her I felt "frozen". Then she asked, "Is there something going on between us that keeping you from talking today?" I brought up again our conversation on Friday.
I told her that she didn't seem disappointed that I cancelled. She said that "Of course I was disappointed. I do remember trying to see if we could reschedule, but then you said it'd be easier just to cancel." I said, "It was Friday, I see you on Monday, how could we reschedule?" She was hoping I would add an appointment on Tuesday. I kept myself closed throughout most of the session. I even told her that this would be one of the sessions that I will leave, frustrated and angry, that she wasn't getting at what I was trying to express.
So we went over again the phone conversation. I let her know that she didn't express much warmth or genuine compassion. She reiterated that she was disappointed that I cancelled and she knew that I had tried very hard to make arrangements for my kids. I said, "I don't think you understand how difficult it was for me to not be there." Her reply, "Hmmm." YIKERS!@! ARGGHHH!!
I changed the subject to my husband's company party that was last night. Five minutes upon arriving, a waitress offered me an hor d'oeuvre of "pheasant dumplings". I shook my head no and replied, "that doesn't appeal to me" and one of my husbands's newer female bosses said to us, "You (pointing at my husband) are the pheasant and you (pointing at me) are the dumpling." WHAT IN THE WORLD WAS THAT??? I walked away. My T quickly pointed out, "Your mind went from feeling hurt over Friday to feeling criticized at that party. That's a disguise of old pain. I don't even know what she meant by that comment, but it's not about you."
Whatever. This was one of those sessions that I'd rather not have experienced. Just not there. And I do think it has more to do with me, than her ... so I think that's progress ... but I feel like running away from therapy. I used to quit all the time when I saw this T YEARS AGO. So after two years, I haven't quit yet. But I sure feel like it.
poster:annierose
thread:587541
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051210/msgs/588381.html