Posted by alexandra_k on January 6, 2006, at 23:35:33
In reply to Re: I think I've decided how I feel » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on January 6, 2006, at 23:11:42
ah. i do of course make a distinction between dinah who posts as dinah, and dinah who posts as a moderator on this forum.
and dinah who posts as a moderator on this forum seems very much like a rock to me :-)
being a rock... doesn't mean that things aren't really very hard on the inside... being a rock doesn't mean that you can't go and shake in bed for a couple hours both before and after being a rock. being a rock just means being able to be a rock enough of the time when you need to be.
and when you need to be... you pull through. and that says nothing at all about how much you may or may not struggle as you are doing it. and how much you may or may not be able to function before and after doing it.
> But a lot of that is just appearance, Alexandra.
don't underestimate that. like i said... i couldn't do it. or... i can't do it yet. and i really don't think it would be realistic for me to envisage being able to do it any time in the near future.
> It's true that I can walk away easier now rather than get all caught up in things.
hmm. maybe acting like a rock... has ramifications for how one feels on the inside too? i really do think that there is some truth into the 'acting your way into feeling different' idea. it is not the cure. but it can be part of the cure. to do something regardless of how you are feeling on the inside... to do it... to find you have done it well... to take some pride in your achievement... to have a little more faith in ones own ability to pull through... to have a little more confidence so that next time... one shakes that little bit less. and over time in this way... but it is of course a hard road...
> I don't think he encourages my dependence so much as he encourages me to keep doing what's working for me. And comparatively it does work for me. For various and sundry reasons. I think maybe he's sort of results oriented.
okay.
a while ago now...
before all this sh*t went down in your life
(your father then new orleans)
you were getting to the point...
where you were really thinking...
that while you had progressed with your therapist
you perhaps hadn't made as much progress with him as you could have with another
or that at the very least you didn't seem to be making as much progress with him anymore as you thought you could be making with another therapistand you were talking about
and you were thinking about
whether it might be time to move onbut the thing that kept you there
(if i remember rightly)
was the good feelings you feel in his presence when he is 'on form'.
that was the thing that was keeping you there...
and then after your father passed on...you needed the feelings
and i have sympathy
i dobut since then...
you have shown that you are stronger than you think...
not to say it isn't really very hard...
but i don't think you *need* those feelings the way you think you do
and i don't think they (or something similar that is what you NEED to feel connected and happy) have to solely occur in his presence
and i think that the point that they do occur in his presence
stops you working towards developing that connection with other people
(people who you don't have to pay)
because yes it does come down to that too
getting those feelings from RECIPROCAL relationships
rather than from when you are able to pay someone to focus solely on you...and i think you CAN do this
i think you CAN learn to get a whole heap better at doing this
and i think you WILL find that a whole heap more rewarding and personally satisfying ultimately
i really really doyou don't need to buy it dinah.
of course... it will be different.
i think there is a sense of connection that people NEED
and some people are more interdependent than others
(which is to say they get that sense of connection with other people more than with communion with themself / aspects of the inanimate environment)and then...
there is something else...
that we don't NEED
though we might come to think we do...
and i think it is this latter thing that your therapist gives you...and that is helpful when it is used to facilitate people getting the first...
and that is unhelpful when it prevents people working on getting the first...
but i might just be raving...
poster:alexandra_k
thread:595305
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/596079.html