Posted by James K on January 7, 2006, at 1:24:59
In reply to Re: The social construction of (some) mental illne » alexandra_k, posted by Dinah on January 6, 2006, at 23:43:03
Sometimes I'm following this, and sometimes I get lost in the complicated ideas and my own head. So if this isn't really relevant, carry on or feel free to respond to this as well.
This is about the self injury aspect that has come up a couple of times. I first hurt myself as a child and young adolescent. I think the impulse was pure hurt and rage + rebellion, proving my toughness to myself, and exploring pain on my own terms.
At that time I didn't know about self injury as a phenomenoen and the idea of hospitalization or any kind of help was completely foreign to me. We were poor and religious. Also, nobody knew. So I don't think anything about accepted or unaccepted manifestations could have played into my actions.
As I grew into adolescence and young adulthood, my world expanded and knowledge about psychiatry and it's history and personal stories was something I pursued. My first treatment was strictly for substance abuse, and all this other stuff came up in the testing. That's when things like Disasociation, and borderline were introduced to me as concepts.
Again, my knowledge continued to increase and so in my late twenties to mid-thirties. Behavior I think of as rolling the dice showed up. Meaning, If this doesn't kill me (and chances are good it won't) I know I can get help and step off the merry-go-round for a while.
Now I know I can get help just by asking. Because I have a history. And admitting to active alcoholism and suicidal ideation is a guaranteed ticket.
So it seems like there was a progression to conforming to society's definitions or diagnosises as I became more aware of them. But I thought I would die, and I self inflicted pain way before I understood anything?
I've never thought about any of this in this way so I may be off on it. this current attempt at real recovery is forcing me to be more linear in my life story.
Can any of this have any bearing on the really big picture concepts in the original reading or the subsequent comments? Is my story typical or atypical. And does the uncounscious or subconcious aspect of the culture override what I "Knew"?
I don't have to have answers, I'm just working things out in words.
James K.
poster:James K
thread:595576
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20051229/msgs/596111.html