Posted by orchid on May 22, 2006, at 14:40:46
I am going to stick with this assumption - that both my Ts really liked me and cared about me.
I mean, I am not going to hear from them anymore ever, so what harm is there in assuming the best? And it makes me feel good and healed when I think they cared, and makes me feel wretched when I think they didn't. And believing they didn't care makes me go round and round and feel bad, and hurt again and again. On the other hand, when I think they did care and liked me (atleast to a good extent), I feel more healed and whole and able to put it behind me.
So why not just do what is best for me? And besides, it is a horrible feeling to think that the persons to whom you opened out your heart didn't care about you.
So, yep, hereafter Orchid is going to think that both Ts really liked her A LOT and cared for her A LOT and whatever mess ups happened - happened for some reason beyond control.
And besides, I didn't really give them much trouble though - in fact both of them commented many times on many positive aspects of me - my first T had said I looked pretty good, was intelligent, and once even said to my parents I was the best patient he ever had. And he treated me withouth charge for couple of years.. And my second T said she thought I was a good person etc etc.. And my first T even said my country needs people like me and the president is calling for people like me to come and help out.
So that means they held me in good regards right? Maybe it was my own projection all along (due to my abuse and issues with my dad) that made me see only the negative parts of it.
Does this make sense?
poster:orchid
thread:646941
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/646941.html