Posted by Racer on May 24, 2006, at 22:02:47
In reply to Re: Back to victimization... » Racer, posted by sleepygirl on May 24, 2006, at 20:13:50
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> I am acquainted personally with the experience of being in a terribly vulnerable position emotionally, and being maltreated by just those people that I hoped could help. Words can't express how badly that made me feel about myself. Like an open wound that was jabbed at, like a confirmation of all that I feared about myself to be true...That's it, I think -- that I'm so afraid it was really confirmation that I really am as hideous and horrible and worthless as I know I am. That's part of why this won't go away for me, I think. These people kept TELLING me that I was that bad and worse. Though they called themselves Mental Health Professionals, they were really Mental Illness Professionals. They were so focussed on me being Mentally Ill, that they couldn't see anything else.
Honest to any higher power you care to name -- on the day of my first appointment at that agency, I was nearly stable on drugs, and thinking I was nearly ready to go back to working, and living, and muddling through. Within three months, I couldn't leave the house.
And three years on, I am still not back to where I was at that first appointment.
And writing that triggered the "you're trying to blame someone else when it was really your own fault, because you're incapable of the honesty required to face up to your responsibilities" chorus.
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> that in itself was traumatic, really shakes one's sense of safety, hope, trust, etc., etc.
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> I'm sorry it happened to you
> keep talking :-)Thank you. I"m sorry you know about it first hand.
poster:Racer
thread:648011
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/648159.html