Posted by kerria on May 25, 2006, at 14:20:55
Finally i left the T that i've been seeing since i found i had DID- now i'm struggling so much. The last session- i went back expecting T to apologize- he was so critical of parts- i don't have communication, i don't have control of parts. It felt that he should have helped me- been on my side instead of attacking me for things that i couldn't help- that weren't even big things. i CAN'T understand WHY he was so uncaring - why he hurt me so much. tears. Why is someone like that? How could he be so heartlessly critical?
It hurts so much more because i know he understands me- he still rejected me though he knew i was in so much pain- he doesn't care about me.
He's the only one who knows and has talked to my parts. It seemed like he brought us together but now there's all apartness - everything is a impossible mess and there's no one to help me.
i saw one T- a woman who specialized in DID- it was at the same office where i was dx with DID - and i was so upset to find myself there again by The interview was traumatic because of leaving the other T so badly- she wouldn't take me because i wasn't doing well enough.
That was a month ago- now is so hard. There the surgery coming up for the pelvic pain- it's going into the dark- no one knows if it will help- i have to have it and hope i'm not worse.
The pain is so triggering- the dr who's treating me won't change the dose. It's been the same for about a year and either the pain is worse or i'm getting adjusted to it and it doesn't work as well:(
The dr also expects me to have the surgery- and i want it- if it would help it would be so good- what if i can't get parts to be ready? i wish i had a T that could talk to parts- it's so hard for me. i need way more help than i'm receiving. The T i am going to is using sessions to get to know parts but we're in way too much crisis for that now- with my h always angry with me and the appt with the surgeon next week. Inside feels so afraid - like we can never manage. The two support persons we had are unreasonably angry with us- which is terribly triggering.Why is there never anyone who can understand and help? It hurts so much that i can't find the support i need.
The T i'm seeing now cares about me but isn't understanding about parts. So much of what needs to be said isn't said and the sessions are not helping enough to get me functioning:(i can't face the pain or the surgeror anything.
Everything hurts. i wish i could act better but i can't. i'm So stuck and misunderstood everyday IRL.
What is on the outside is so different than what's on the inside. It's so hard to live that way. The T that knew my parts made it better - but was so rejecting that we couldn't go there anymore. i hurt so much. everything is too hard for me.tears, could anyone help me?
thanks for reading,
kerria
poster:kerria
thread:648447
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20060517/msgs/648447.html