Posted by Racer on July 15, 2007, at 15:14:25
In reply to I am feeling very serious and i need YOU to talk, posted by rjlockhart on July 15, 2007, at 14:21:43
I don't know what to say, in response to this. What I'm hearing is anger, and it kinda feels as though you're feeling trapped inside it -- as if there's no way to let go of the anger, and get back to being yourself. I think, though, that finding a way to let it out -- safely -- would help you more than anything else.
Have you ever told us why you don't see a therapist? Are you still in school? If you are, go to the counseling center there, or the health center, if they don't have counselors, they'll refer you to someone you can see elsewhere. And you can probably find a sliding scale agency, so that you can pay yourself, without your mother knowing. (Although, frankly, I think your very best bet would be family counseling...) Therapy is especially good for this sort of thing, and I urge you to find access to a good therapist.
As for what you're talking about here, I think you're getting caught up in one perspective. Maybe if you put a little effort into looking at the other person's side of it, you might have an easier time letting it go.
I also think, in my opinion only, based only on what you've posted here over time, that you might have an easier time of it if you found a way to let go of the "insanity/madness" framework. You haven't said what your official diagnosis is, but I'm betting it's unipolar depression, with or without anxiety, and with ADHD traits. Something like that, at least. Yes, according to the US government, depression is a Serious Mental Illness. But it's very, very different from anything called "insanity." You're not "mad" or "insane." You're having troubles that relate primarily to your age and life circumstances. MANY of us have had similar circumstances, similar troubles. Most of us emerged without "insanity" such as you seem to define it. You probably will, too.
I think, in fact, that if you were willing to look at your experiences as being a normal part of growing up, and not as pathological, you might find life an awful lot easier.
Peace.
poster:Racer
thread:769712
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/769732.html