Posted by JoniS on July 16, 2007, at 6:47:48
In reply to Can't feel any lower*trigger*, posted by slugdoo on July 15, 2007, at 12:53:25
Dear Fellow Babbler,
I am so sorry to read how low you are feeling. I hope that by the time you read this you are feeling much better.
I don't feel particularly capable of saying the right things to encourage you, but I'll do the best I can. I can tell you that I have definitely been there and it is an awful place to be. There is hope. My kids are the only thing that kept me from leaving this world a couple of years ago. But my T explained to me the pain, guilt, sorrow .... that I would leave for my kids and I didn't want that. T helped me a lot. Just having a connection with him, someone who knew how I was feeling and gave me an escape from everything else in the world has been a Godsend for me. I think a lot of my self esteem still comes from my relationship with him. I know that needs to change and I need to value myself from within much more than from external factors - what other people think of me. It is very hard. I have certainly not "arrived".
I think I can relate to how you feel about Babble. I have told myself I will stop coming here also, but then I usually return within a week or so. I have been helped quite a bit by reading the posts, knowing that so many others are going through the same thing as me or similar or have gone through already. It's true that we are all at different places on our jouney, but there are so many who could help if they would respond more, sometimes, to our posts. I'm glad you brought up this topic, because I have struggled with it lately too. I liken it to being in High School when you have all the cliques standing in the halls each morning, seeming to shun those who are not in their group. Sometimes (in high school) that really is what their feelings are, but sometimes it is not. I think that there is sort of a "tight" group of people here who have been here a while and are very familiar with each other's past & present. It's like they're grouped in their circle talking, and it feels so hard to "break in" But if I really stop and think about it, I believe they are not shunning us, but they just happen to know each other better, and therefore, are more comfortable posting to each other's post.I don't know if you mentioned how long you've been participating with Babble, but I'll bet that has at least some effect on what you are experiencing.
I have been here about a year, and still feel pretty new. I have been comforted sometimes by reading others posts, and sometimes disappointed. It's funny sometimes I'll "jump into" a post and try to participate, but it feels like no one noticed I came along; their circle is so tight. Other times I've received the encouragement I needed, that's why I believe it's not intentional "shunning."
Often I don't post because I'm afraid I'll say the wrong thing and be more hurtful than helpful. I also don't feel like a good communicator, feel very inarticulate, so it's difficult for me to say what I want to. Often it's just "ditto, what she said" (another poster) that I end up thinking. And even often it's that feeling like you've had, that my input isn't wanted or doesn't count here, so I don't post.
I don't mean to emphasize the negative here, because I get much more positive than negative, that is for sure.
I hope and pray the same for you. Please pull out of this and know that you are loved and many people care about you and how you are feeling.
(((((((one who cant feel any lower))))))
ps- you deserve a better name than the ones you gave yourself :)
Take care,
JoniS
poster:JoniS
thread:769687
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/769835.html