Posted by slugdoo on July 16, 2007, at 18:02:21
In reply to To everyone, saw T today, cried for the 1st time, posted by slugdoo on July 16, 2007, at 11:33:55
Home now, good thing I signed up for a family vision plan, because I just got glasses a few months ago and now my son, actually has almost the same percreption as me. He wanted blue glasses, okay, just so he doesn't want to resemble Elton John. Now I love Elton's music, I just don't want my son to look like him.
Then I came home a took a long nap. It was all I could do to keep it together. A banana split shake helped too.
The session started off fine, I played for him and was a little nervous by did okay. He then asked to see the guitar and he played stairway to heaven on it, he was good. Kinda a neat moment we had.
Then we talked about performing and stuff. Talked about how intellectually I knew what I was doing, but just did it anyways, my body responses and everything. Then he wanted me to think of that time I was on stage, and how I felt at the time. It was so hard to do because it is exactaly what I did't ever want to think about. But I did one session, okay not much happened because I was trying to concentrate on watching his fingers and thinking of the moment. Saw he was using his middle finger, too, made me laugh, but I guess I was having trouble concentratin.
Then the 2nd time he started, I actually could think of the moment. Well bam, my body got so tense, a memory surfaced, a scary one, and all I could do it cover my face and started to cry. I think this through my T , he wasn't expecting this. I couldn't move my hands off my face, I didn't want him to see me cry, he keep trying to talk to me and ask what was going on , and I couldn't talk. I just wanted to go away. I eventually calmed myself down enough, but I couldn't look at him. I told him some of memory and he said he should have known it went deeper than just performance anxiety. I looked at him and he had tear in his eyes, he said he was sorry he made me cry. I didn't know what to say except I guess there is always a first time.Oh, my I just have to tell you all, my DH just called and they went to a minor league baseball game tonight, and my son was something like the 4 millionith fan, and he is being interviewed by all the tv station and he gets to throw out the first pitch!!!! I can't belive it. I dont' know how he is going to see with his dialated eyes and all! I am so excited, I wish I could be there!
He will never forget this! lolWell anyways, he never physically touched me, something I was worried about from session one, if I started to cry. But he stayed with me, he used such a gentle voice, I couldn't talk, but he wanted me to know he was there. It was more comforting than I thought it would be. It was the first time my session went over because of me. He said something about that he thinks it would be "fruitfull" to keep doing this EMDR and get to the deepest issues. He ususally would ask me, if that is what I wanted to do , continue with EMDR. Now he is telling me it is what he would recommend we do. I told him how scary it was, because last time it brought up much worse memories. He remembers, usually people know their worse memories, but EMDR is bringing them to the surface to me. I think because we are concentration to the how the feelings physically feel and well sometimes bad events feel the same or make us feel simuliar. So yes performing stage and having a memories lapse is scarey, but how it feels while you are on stage can be at least for me some of the feelings I felt as a kid at certain moments.
He was concerned he is leaving to go out of the country and he won't be available at all (usually he is, even on vacations). He said if he even thought this would happen, he wouldn't have done it,so he is kinda worried. I know he cares, I saw it in his face in his eyes, and it was so sincere, I can see fake a mile away. He is an amazing T, really. I have more to say, but I will do other thread for the other topics.
poster:slugdoo
thread:769687
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/769951.html