Posted by antigua3 on July 19, 2007, at 11:40:55
I'm sure just the title of this post will scare some off, and I'm sorry about that, but everyone MUST do what is best for them, especially in my experience when it comes to dealing with their own csa issues. What triggers one person, may not another, and a simple post can be overwhelming for another.
I'm not going to rant, just babble.
I can't tell each and every one of you how much what you posts means to me, and I don't mean what you write just to me, I mean to everyone. I may not be able to respond because I'm hurting at the time, or away, or too busy avoiding my pain, but the input of every single person involved in this issue has been so helpful to me, and I want you all to know that.
I may be so Pollyannish, but the community that has been created her over dealing with this issue is a wonder to me, and I don't think I would have made as much progress w/o hearing other people's stories.
Sometimes it's so hard to read, or to write about what's triggering me, but the responses that are offered almost always help me. Sometimes I come here to figure out something that's bothering me, but there are so many times when I learn something I'd never thought about that helps me. Even when I write what I think is the most awful stuff, there are others who feel the same way. I always felt so alone and ashamed in dealing with my csa because it's not like you can just talk about it with anyone--and so many times we shouldn't because their responses can be so hurtful.
So here's to releasing secrets. To grab the courage to let them out so they don't hurt us, continue to debilitate us, or even kill us. Sometimes I really feel like I will never get over this and it will kill me, but you people give me so much hope. It's not all about releasing our secrets here, but if we can take the courage and dive beyond the risk, protecting ourselves notwithstanding, of course, in therapy with a good T, or here, we help ourselves. There is NOTHING that is too bad or shameful to let go of. In letting go, we free ourselves.
Everyone is at a different stage in dealing w/this issue, and sometimes opening up is too hard or, in fact, impossible. That is really OK, but every secret that is let out in a safe environment makes us stronger, I think, and releases the hold that our abusers still have over so many of us, at least in my case.
One of the most important things I've learned over the years in dealing with this is that when I have an "A ha" moment, or recognize why I behave in certain situations, make connections if you will, some of my energy is released to deal with my life. I don't have to wallow in it, but let it out, and it really does make me more involved in my real life. I obsess so much over all this, and when the times arise that I feel better, I savor every moment of them, partly because I know things come in waves, and that my depression over this may well return, but every day that I don't have to struggle is such a gift.
And I wish that gift on all of you.antigua
poster:antigua3
thread:770542
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/770542.html