Posted by DAisym on July 20, 2007, at 0:04:34
In reply to Secrets **csa trigger**, posted by antigua3 on July 19, 2007, at 11:40:55
You write so beautifully, Antigua. This made me cry.
I've been in group therapy for a little over a year. I've been Babbling for over three years. I think I've grown and changed and benefited more from Babble than I have from my IRL group. I know I've "told" more here - perhaps not the details, but certainly I feel known here. Group isn't available like Babble is, 24/7, to read and reread and draw comfort from.
I know that the secret is a poison. It is hard to let go of pretending that I'm just fine and that I've never been hurt. It is still humiliating and we've all had the experience of telling that didn't work out well. I can still feel the sting of a very good friend looking shocked and saying, "are you sure?" "Nah - never mind," I wanted to respond. "You are right, I'm making it up." I told myself it wasn't important to say it anyway.
But it is important. I need someone to know and believe me. I guess sometimes I'm looking for absolution, I want to beg, "please believe me that I didn't like it, I didn't know how to make it stop and I'm so sorry" but I don't even know who I'm begging.
You are just so right, Antigua, I don't think I would have made much progress without hearing other's stories either. I'll borrow your hope for a depression free future for now, if you don't mind. Thank you for giving this very special gift.
poster:DAisym
thread:770542
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/770666.html