Posted by gardenergirl on July 25, 2007, at 17:56:12
I think I'm in some kind of a bizarre dream.
I had a hint last week when he wanted to schedule a standing appointment going through the fall. He wanted to do the same today, and when I said that we'd already scheduled our last session, he was surprised. At first he said that wasn't how he understood things, but as we continued to talk, it became apparent that he really wasn't remembering. And he said if he'd known, he'd have "done something different." I don't know what that means. And have I missed out on something that he would have done? Ack.
It's so strange. I can understand "on paper" different explanations for it, and I tried to just go forward. But I feel like this whole important part of my therapy experience is now just sort of "poofed". Gone. At a minimum, I don't feel like I have a shared experience of those sessions and discussions anymore. That feels really lonely and strange. A loss.
So at this point, I don't know when I'm terminating. He told me that even if I'm not considered a student in the fall as far as the registrar's office, that didn't mean that therapy was just cut off. That's a relief, because I have this family thing that's up in the air and is likely to interfere with my next session after his vacation, which I thought was likely going to be my last. In fact, I worried that today would be the last if I couldn't make that August appt. Apparently he wondered why I'd say that.
It's so weird, it's hard to know what I feel or think about it. A silver lining to this, though, or maybe golden...one possible explanation he gave was that it wasn't just ME terminating. It's WE. And while he tries to deal with his reactions outside of therapy, it could be having an effect. That was a nice moment amidst the bizarre.
Someone wake me up, please.
gg
poster:gardenergirl
thread:771943
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20070714/msgs/771943.html