Posted by rskontos on March 6, 2008, at 10:22:14
In reply to Homework Help Needed, posted by DAisym on March 5, 2008, at 19:47:56
Daisym,
I just back from therapy when i read this. My last session in a trace I wrote two pages of no crying over and over again before therapy while I waiting for him to finish up with previous client. When I was telling him a bad flashback and how I felt, I said no crying over and over, he asked me why can't you cry, I couldn't answer. Today I had a sort of answer. It goes back to the long rooted question that your t asked you too. Why is it hard to cry and have no connection. Because underneath it all, I did not want to cry because I did not want there to be a reason to cry, anymore than I wanted to be in therapy or need my therapist to take the place of my parents. The ones that left me alone and did not leave me alone you know what i mean, without spelling it out. Like earthmama said to go back 38 years and erase it. I said I don't think I ever cried before and if I start I might not stop for a long time. I never had connections with people before either and if I start now I might cling too hard to someone and not stop.
So I understand how you feel. God this therapy thing is so hard to make sense of. It pulls and pushes in ways I never thought possible. And it hurts too, doesn't it. I don't fantasy about it really. Maybe that is hard too.
Well your post really got me to thinking and it is a deep issue. Connections are tough issues. Maybe maintaing a connection with your t would mean that after a time you would be expected to try it outside of therapy IRL and that is the really terrifying situations. Inside therapy it is so much safer. Outside, not so much. I think of therapy as the learning grounds, training wheels so to speak. If we master everything there, are our t's going to expect us to go solo, IRL. That is the part I think is scary. Could this be part of what might be something for you?
I don't like I said, therapy is a big confusing issue for me at so many levels.
If this sounds rambling I am sorry, I always come back from therapy feeling jumbly. Is jumbly a word I am not sure. If this post means nothing to you just overlook it. and accept my apologizes.
If I locate some cliff notes, I will overnight them to you.
rsk
poster:rskontos
thread:816442
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080226/msgs/816538.html