Posted by LadyBug on May 26, 2008, at 19:13:22
I called my T and made an appointment to go see her tomorrow night. I have so much anxiety about it. I've seen her for over 11 years for those of you that aren't familiar with my story. The past few months, since the first of March that is, have been a test on our relationship because of some things I said and did and some things she said and did to me.
I don't want to go into the whole thing again. I saw her one time in March, one time in April and this will be the second time in May. I don't know if I can see her anymore. One thing is that I don't have insurance coverage for her right now and I'm not getting any financial support from my soon to be ex-husband so I don't have the money to see her.
My insurance will kick in again in Sept. but I think that's too long a break for what is happening.
Can I just be honest hear and say how I feel about her? I'm hurt by the things she said to me. I'm angry by the boundary changes she made. I don't think she cares anymore and doesn't care if she works with me or not. What she said put a wall up for me. I don't think I can tell her anything that's going on in my life ever again. So why go? I don't trust her anymore. She will be frustrated with me for having such a hard time in my life.Let me list what's happened to me the past 18 months of my life.
1. Bi-lateral knee replacements, 5 days apart. Nov. 2006. It took several months to recover from and did me in physically and emotionally.2. My siblings and I moved both my parents from their home they've lived in for over 50 years into an assisted living place. We just moved them this weekend for the 3rd time in less than a year because their care is getting greater and greater. They both have dementia. We almost lost my mom in Dec. 2007.
3. My sixteen year old daughter found out she was pregnant in July 2007. I got her started seeing a therapist and P Dr. in March of 2007. Her whole pregnancy was hard, she was so sick, so young and so needy. She decided on adoption in January 2008. ;o(
4. My marriage was falling apart, I've been married 23 years. Decided to leave and moved to a new place, new city, the end of August 2007.
5. My husband gets arrested for fraud, I don't even know the whole story, he's a drug addict. We file for a difficult bankruptcy and I go to a court hearing several times only to be called a loser, pretty much. None of the debt is mine except for some back taxes we owe. That's been going on for a year or so with the last court hearing about 4 days before my first grand baby was born in March 2008.
6. The birth and adoption of my daughter's baby, placed for adoption 48 hours later. March 2008 (This is the hardest thing I've had to go through in my entire life.)
7. My, not yet ex goes to jail, in April 2008. Now I get no child support or any money of any kind from him. I can't even survive with my needs and my bills aren't paid. I have medical bills I'm trying to pay on, I know I will pay small amounts till I can pay them off but they are killing me there are so many of them. I have no money for food, I make too much to get help.
8. I started a new job, May 2008. A new job is stressful but it has been a good change for me.
And last but not least.................9. My relationship with my T has fallen apart. It hurts, I've got anxiety with it. I don't dare tell her anything, I think it's over. One more huge loss, I can't tolerate it, it's hard for me and she doesn't even care.
There, that's my life in a nut shell.
I know much of this will pass, but losing my marriage will take me years to get over even though it was time to go. The adoption will always hurt. Losing my T is going to hurt for years. I thought more of my T than anyone in my world! We did so well together. The sadness is more than I can bare sometimes.
I'm going to see her tomorrow, and I don't know what to say, goodbye? You hurt me and I can't talk to you anymore? End a 11 year relationship like this? I can't afford to come and work this out. But by Sept. I won't want to come back for sure.
Wow, I'm so alone. I spent today alone. My older daughter spent the day with her boyfriend. My younger daughter had to work all day. I've been a waste of a human today. Trying to decide what to say to her in 24 hours????? My stomach is going to fall out.
Sad LadyBug ;o(
poster:LadyBug
thread:831265
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20080524/msgs/831265.html